I developed anxiety following the death of my mum, this manifested itself by making me dread leaving ds with anyone else, bar Dh, which made going to work tough. I began to hate my job. I discovered I was pregnant with dd and during the pregnancy my anxiety soared and I ended up signed off with stress as I was becoming so distressed worrying about ds while I wasn't with him. I had Dd and I felt so much better being at home with my children. I gave up my job. Dd is now 18 months and I have never left her with anyone aside from Dh. I know this isn't great but it wasn't a problem as I didn't need to go anywhere.
However, I'm now thinking that my previous happiness was somehow false because I was only happy because I was effectively shutting out the problem. Now I'm faced with the reality that I want to be able to do a bit of work, but my anxiety is stopping me. I can't put Dd in childcare, I worry too much. Ds is in school which I'm fine with (oddly).
Being afraid to be away from your children isn't normal is it? I don't know how I can get past this though.