ADs just not working after nearly 6 weeks. Desperate.

[Psion]

Have been on Trazadone for nearly 6 weeks. Started off on 100mg, then increased to 150mg 4 weeks ago, and for the last 5 days have been on 200mg.

Have also been on increasing doses of Quetiapine for last 9 days, and am currently on 75mg at bedtime, and 25mg at breakfast.

But it's not working. It's not doing anything. All I have noticed is that my sleep is a bit better. But I'm still waking very early filled with dread and anxiety. This morning was the worst yet, I honestly felt like I was dying. And my mood is so incredibly low and flat all day. I am just functioning, not really talking, avoiding even looking at myself in the mirror. But at least am still managing to drag myself into the shower every day, and keep the house basically tidy. But not sure how much longer I can keep that up?

But inside I feel like such crap. There's no pleasure in anything, no sense of optimism, I am just going through the motions like a hollow ghost. DD came home from school really excited that she'd got onto the school netball team. But it was meaningless to me, and I just faked a smile.

I'm getting really scared that this combination just isn't going to help me, even if the dose is increased again. And I'm getting terrified that no ADs are going to help me, and that I will be trapped in this misery until I finally crack and do something stupid

I'm already dreading waking tomorrow, because it will just be another day of misery to drag myself through. Everything just feesl hopeless and pointless and so black and bleak.

The only glimpse of hope is that for a few hours Monday evening I suddenly felt quite a bit brighter and calmer, and again on Wednesday evening for several hours. But have no idea why. I don't think it was anything to do with the meds, it was just a weird fluke.

Don't really even know why I'm posting, as I know no one can really help or advise, but needed to get it out

Sorry you're feeling so awful

Firstly, you won't be like this forever. Things will get better. It may be that you need longer for the meds to work, or you might need a different combination of meds. I know it's really difficult to summon up the energy to seek help when you're feeling so bad, but your gp should be able to advise you. It might be a case of trial and error, but something will help you feel better.

I think the fact that you're starting to have little moments of brightness is actually really positive. When I first went on sertraline, I remember going in the shower one evening after having been on it for 3 or 4 weeks, and actually catching myself singing and feeling lighter! It was such an amazing and surprising feeling that for a few hours I was almost euphoric, but the next day I felt grim again. Gradually though I had more and more moments of normalness and even happiness, and they started to join up and the black cloud lifted.

I'm not cured. My problem is anxiety rather than depression, but the anxiety can and does lead to depression at times. I still feel anxious every day but usually stay in control of it and can feel happy in spite of it. At times I do feel the anxiety getting a bit worse, especially with regard to my health or my children's health, but since I've been on the meds, it hasn't got out of control and led to the awful gloom again.

So many people understand how you're feeling. That awful bleakness makes you feel utterly alone but honestly, a huge number of people are feeling the same way. Since I've felt better and discussed my experience on ADs with friends and colleagues, I've been stunned to find out just how many normal, well adjusted people have been depressed/anxious and on medication either short or long term.

Wow, I have such a tendency to waffle on! Sending big hugs. Be kind to yourself...lots of small treats, easy meals, nothing too taxing for now. Life will get better. One day soon you'll find yourself singing in the shower(I know you don't believe me!) and you'll realise that I was right!!

Sorry you're feeling so terrible. When I'm feeling really bad I just keep reminding myself that it will pass eventually. Is it worth mentioning to your gp how you're feeling? They may want to tweek the meds? Xx

Six weeks is not a long time for ADs to start working, it can take a few months. That said your GP may want to tweak the dose or change meds if they continue to have no effect, so stay in touch and keep them informed.

Are you getting therapy to go with the ADs?