Updated diagnosis- accepting it is not easy

[Heaveniswaiting]

I've had mh difficulties on and off all my life. My most recent episode included psychotic symptoms, although I've never been admitted, fortunately.
I've seen a new psych a couple of times and he has changed my diagnosis to bipolar (sub clinical as I don't get grandiose/ no admissions) with emotionally unstable personality traits.
I'm on meds already, an antipsychotic which also acts as mood stabiliser and anti depressant. Reading up on bipolar, I'd say I've probably had mixed episodes in the past as I have bags of energy, insomnia, racing thoughts etc coupled with suicidal ideation. When I'm very low I have psychotic symptoms also.
Ironically, I've received this diagnosis at a time when I'm well, so it's really hard to accept. However, if I stop my meds again I know I'll relapse. It's a bit shit really.

It IS shite and so many of us trudge through the mire of mental illness that so many people don't understand. My diagnosis is not as complex as yours (recurring depressive disorder) but it can be very severe. I think I've worked my way through most of the pharmaceutical options, but nothing really works. My only option now is ECT and that scares me because of memory loss. Sorry I wasn't posting just to talk about myself!

You sound like you more or less agree with the diagnosis, even though it's obviously not what you want. I think the main thing is to take the meds because I think if there is a psychotic element in mental illness, there is a tendency to stop the meds, believing you don't need them. Do you have a CPN.

Thanks nana nina. I'm sorry to hear you're struggling with depression, it's a terrible thing. Is the memory loss long term with ECT? I guess you have to weigh up the positives and negatives.
I don't have a CPN as I'm currently well but have in the past. You're right about meds, each time I've tries to reduce/ stop taking them I relapse.
I hope you find a treatment that works for you soon.

As an aside Nana - did you watch 'my baby psychosis and me' on bbc a couple of months ago? There was a very open portrayal of ECT which I felt presented in a quite positive way. You can see it on an alternative type Yioutjbe if you google it as no longer on Iplayer.

Sorry for the hijack but I do empathise with the difficulty accepting diagnosis when well. Hope you settle soon