Motherhood not as joyful as advertised!

[noneatall007]

I wondered if I'm the only 1 who didnt get any of the 'joy' etc on birth of child, as promised in those magazines I was given about pregnancy? I was depressed in pregnancy, not just about getting fatter and more invisible every day [the 1 time in your life you need to get drunk & you cant] but about having a girl; I expected this to dissapear when I 1st saw the baby, to get that 'rush of love' I keep reading about from all the smug celebrity mothers, but nothing.
2 months on, still nothing, except regret - Will I ever actually like my child, and why does no-one warn you it could be like this, instead of promising joy elation and fullfillment?!

It seems its taboo to feel any different [I tried to chat on the Huggies forum but was told the topic was 'inapropriate'] I've tried prozac, no change. Surely I cant be the only woman who doesnt like her baby?!!

Not everyone bonds with their baby immediately & some people don't take to motherhood straight away either. The first couple of months are tough & you can just feel tired & drained, which can sometimes lead to you resenting the baby.
Do you think you may be a bit depressed?

Hi

Have you talked to your health visitor about this? I agree with PC that not everyone bonds immediately and that those early months are incredibly tough. Lack of sleep, weird hormones, exhaustion from the birth and all sorts of feelings can get in the way of the ideal picture. and at being told that these feelings are inappropriate! They are real and yours, but you don't have to put up with them. Your hv should understand. Mine was great and offered immediate counselling (well a cup of tea once a week and a chance to moan as much as I liked) and was completely non judgemental. The first session helped me enormously. (Unfortunately she then left and I never managed to get anymore help, but that is another story!) Now, I wish I had pushed for more help early on as these early years are precious and you can enjoy them with help and support. Loving and caring for your baby will be much easier if you are being properly cared for too.

Aww noneatall007. that you were told elsewhere that this was an inappropriate topic.

Not everyone bonds straight away - it took me at least 3 months with my DD. I gather some people do have the 'rush of love' feeling, but by no means everyone. After being initally dubious, I found that skin to skin contact (or bathing together) really helped us, and now she's 4, and I can't ever imagine life without her (currently pg w no 2). The first few months are so tough and demanding, it's not surprising you don't always like her! Try to take it easy, don't beat yourself up about what you don't/didn't feel, and give yourself time to get to know your baby. If it doesn't get better in a few months, maybe go and talk to your doctor about post natal depression (also very, very common, and easily sorted with help), but it's probably too early to say that it's that at this stage.

I agree re talking to your HV.
I had depression during my last pregnancy, which continued after the birth & I didn't feel I had bonded with DS2.
I spoke to my HV about my feelings & she was very supportive, paying me regular visits & arranging additional help to help me through.
I would strongly advise you confide in your HV & express your feelings. They come across this all the time & should be able to provide you with a lot of support.

Obviously, your topic of conversation was not huggy (ie. touchy/feely) enough. Disappointing that they took that line as it seems to me that lots of women do not bond immediately with their babies. It took me a good few months until I thought that I actually quite liked my ds after all! They get a lot more interesting by about 5mo. But even now (he was 11mo yesterday), the thought of the responsibility is sometimes overwhelming...

The only thing that surprises me about your post is that the Huggies forum ticked you off for trying to discuss how you feel at them for doing that.
As the others here say, you will probably never feel so tired and so physically bashed about as you do in the first three months after giving birth.
Very young babies, before they start smiling and vocalising, are actually quite boring and demanding. But quite soon they progress and become easier to live with and much more interesting and likeable. And their sleep patterns usually settle better after about three months.
Please talk to your HV about your feelings - she will have heard concerns like yours so many times before - and get the help and support you deserve and need for now.

You don't mention the baby's dad noneatall007. I hope you have a supportive partner to help you through these early weeks.

I remember saying to my SIL when ds was 6 wks old 'why did no-one warn me', and she said if they did, no-one would have a baby!

I found it very hard with my first-born, but he is now 14, dd is 13, and I love them both to distraction.

If I'm honest though, I've enjoyed them far more as they've got older - although that has it's own challenges!

Don't worry and keep talking.

Am shocked at the Huggies forum - thank god you have found this one where such feelings are not deemed 'inappropriate'!

I think what you are feeling is very common - see this thread which is similar and might also help you realise that you are not alone. this

There is a thread under Parenting called 'Don't like motherhood'. Please have a read of this and you will see you are definately not alone. You said you have tried prozac but no change. Other ads might work much better for you if that is the route you want to go down. Like everyone has said try to get some support from hv or gp and in the meantime try to look after yourself. Not easy I know with a baby but small things like a soak in the bath can help.

I see while I was writing my post ceebee74 has mentioned the thread - except she is much cleverer than me and knows how to do a link - please read.