Have you been to your GP at all?
How long have you been taking the St John's wort? you must let the Dr know that you have been taking these as you need a break of at least a week before you can take certain ADs after taking these.
I am on ADs and they make me feel better not ill. I was the same as you, suicidal thoughts but no plans to follow them through, its like they are unwanted thoughts.
You wont be forced into therapy, trust me, its like gold dust on the NHS and waiting lists are long. If i'm very honest, ive had all sorts of counselling and i don't really think it did much for me. I suffer from anxiety and thats how it is, no amoung of therapy changes that for me. ADs do. They aren't a magic bullet, but it makes it managable.
I am more me on ADs than i am without them if that makes sense. Without them, the anxiety wins and i can't "be" at all.
I have been on them for quite some time, but thats me, the average time people are on ADs is six months to a year. They tend to recommend you stay on them for six months after you feel better and wean off slowly. I have no plans to stop although my GP thinks otherwise
They aren't without side effects but for most people they disappear after the first week or two and i wont like, sometimes you can feel much worse when you first start taking them and they can make you feel unwell but this tends to only last for the first week or two and then you notice a real difference.
Make an appointment to speak to your GP and talk about ADs, they made such a difference to me. Depression and anxiety are a result of physical imbalances - just the same as other illnesses and i doubt you'd question taking medication for those.