ADs, just how much longer to wait? Desperate.

[Psion]

I have been suffering with depression and anxiety for the last few months. I have been finding it really hard to leave the house, and I can't bear being on my own. I have been signed off work for over a month. I am under the crisis team.

I don't tolerate SSRIs, and insomnia has been a real killer, so they have put me on Trazadone. First 100mg for 2 weeks, then.I was upped to 150mg 9 days ago.

When, when, when will they start to work? I am desperate for them to start work. I wake at about 4.30am filled with dread, then just have to drag myself through yet another awful day of misery. I occasionally have a few hours where my mood lifts slightly, but 95% of the time I am still battling despair and anxiety.

I don't know how many more days I can face like this? There's no pleasure in anything and no feeling of hope. I haven't quite reached the stage yet where I refuse to dress and just lie in bed all day, but it's close.

I just cannot believe I will ever get any better. The CPN assures me I will, but I just do not believe him. He would say that, wouldn't he, anyway?

Hi Psion no he's not lying it will get better.

I remember being in around week 7 in hospital and thinking things were never, ever going to get any better at all.

It does, and you'll look back on all this and can't believe you ever felt like that. It's not going to be easy, and it's not going to be instant but you will improve

Hang on in there

Thanks for replying dangermouseisace. I'm not in hospital. The CPN thinks I'm only moderately depressed apparently, but it still feels like hell on Earth to me. Never realised I could feel even half this low and so scared all the time. It really frightens me how black and low I feel.

Did you make a full recovery in the end?

'moderately' depressed is still going to be really awful- it's going to be having a substantial impact on your day to day life. Being frightened at how black/low you feel, although it is petrifying, is a 'positive'- you don't want to be like this and you are not happy with your way of thinking! Is the CPN/MH team helping you with the black thoughts/anxiety?

I haven't made a full recovery yet, but I'm massively improved. I've been in the abyss before and got back out again…it's just when you are in it, it feels like it will never end.