can't cope

[Philomena]

My 10 week old has been awake all night. He cries when he not being held and sleeps when held. As a result I have not had any sleep and I just can't take it anymore.

At the moment he is crying in his baby gym and I have no inclination to pick him up. I feel so guilty.

I've been crying too and I hate this. We waited so long for a baby and I can't believe that I feel so numb and empty about it all.

I know that when I pick him up he'll stop crying but all I want to do is go to sleep.

I feel rubbish today. I have a bad head, my joints ache and I'm shattered.

That's it, really.

Poor you. Does it help to know that what you are feeling is completely normal? All those other smiling mums at the baby clinic are secretly going through the same difficulties that you are, to a greater or lesser extent.

You do sound down though. Is this due to lack of sleep (God knows, that is reason enough!) or do you think you might have a bit of post natal depression? Have you discussed things with your HV? If not, I would ring her up this morning and ask her to visit, or go to the baby clinic if there is one today. Don't sit there alone behind your front door, suffering, please!

PS Do you need any practical advice re the baby? I am a mother of four.

I don't know really. He did sleep between 12 and 2 this morning, but I couldn't at all. I've tried calling to make an appointment with the lovely GP at surgery but she's not in today.

My HV is a bit dippy to be honest and I don't really rate her. She does not have children and just goes on about her holidays. Would rather see GP I think.

I don't know what is wrong with DS. He had his first jabs on Wednesday...could the grizzling be related? Have had good cry and he is now bfing sp crying has stopped.

Thanks for responding, it means a lot.

That is a shame about your HV. A good one can be so supportive and can really make a difference. Try and get an appt with your nice GP. Even if it isn't for a day or two, it would still be worth seeing her IMO. You could always cancel it if things suddenly improved, but just knowing you have made an appt and will be able to talk things through might make you feel better.

I am not sure the jabs would be making your baby cry now - seems a bit long after the event. IIRC, the triple jab can make them a bit fretful in the 24 hours following it, but then they are OK. It might be worth remembering this though for the next jabs and mentioning when he has them (though they will probably only suggest you give him Calpol)

I know it sounds like the same old excuse, but maybe your baby is having a growing spurt and needs a bit more milk right now. Sometimes with small babies you can feel that all you are doing all day is sitting holding the baby and feeding it. I know I used to get very frustrated because I wanted to be doing things, however mundane. The answer is to let go. Let go of any idea of doing anything else. Get yourself comfy, get some drinks and snacks for you, get a good book or choose some dvds or (better than that) get a friend round to chat to, and simply resign yourself to spending the day sitting on the sofa, holding your baby and feeding him. I wish I could come and join you! Seriously though, that would give him a chance to really feed, the stimulation will increase your milk production, and the rest will benefit your boday. How about it?

Dumbledoresgirl is so right. I felt like you do Philomena. It's so hard. My ds1 ws like this from day 1 and cried for months so I was like a zombie. I know your ds won't be like him as it's rare.
Hope you get to see your doc soon. It's good she's nice, mine is too. Makes all the difference. Can you get another HV?
keep posting hun xx

Thanks so much...this really means a lot.

Have rung friend with baby (born same day) who is coming round soonish for coffee.

Am seeing doctor tomorrow hopefully but might ring HV anyway. Feeling a bit better fter good cry and your support.

that's great that you have a friend with baby same age Do you go to a breastfeeding group or mother and baby group?

might be worth trying craniosacral osteopathy for your baby - it has been known to help babies who have some little thing going on that makes them cry a lot. Maybe worth a try?

you poor thing, sleep deprivation is a terrible thing. Would he sleep with you in your bed if you lay down during the day for a while?

Ditto recommending CO. I'm a big advocate of it Wish I'd known about it with DS1.

Yes - agree totally with DDG. It's soooo hard when your first is tiny. I was 32 and thought I was mature, sophisticated & could cope with anything.
Then along came ds1 and my world was turned upside down. He didn't feed properly - lost nearly 2lb in 10 days and got admitted to hospital.
I felt like such a crap mother.
I'm the sort of person who can deal with situations that others find difficult - no problems with irate customers etc at work. But now I had this pink blob that cried all the time, wouldn't feed and couldn't tell me what it wanted.
I was desperate.
But things got better -m by the time he was 4 months old he was a delightful baby. Then I had ds2 who was hell on legs till he was about 18 months old!
But they've both been charming ever since - life with a young baby is hard, especially the first time, but the joys of family life soon come along. I wouldn't have swapped it for anything

Great that you've got a friend with baby born the same day! I had this with a neighbour - we kept each other sane - well... nearly! Must've been the only mums still going to get our babies weighed every week till they were 4 months old. It was our excuse to go for tea and cake afterwards! Other mums will be your salvation

That is great that your friend is coming round. Get the coffee going and don't forget to get out the biscuits and to eat them! One of the compensations of having a small baby and breastfeeding it is that you can eat all those fattening things and know it is good for your milk production so go for it! (oops, realise that makes it sound as though I don't think the baby alone is compensation well, you know what I mean).

Also agree about sleeping with baby in the same bed as you. I know there are worries about co-sleeping but I adopted it in the end out of sheer necessity and it does help. Try lying down in the middle of a double bed to feed the baby this afternoon, and let him feed until he sleeps. The simply close your eyes yourself and see if you can't nap with him. I found my children slept longer as long as they were in contact with my body.

I can't imagine being that sleep deprived, you must be feeling awful, no wonder you're feeling like having a baby isn't all it's cracked up to be. Have you thought about co-sleeping? Just have him sleep in bed with you making sure there are no pillows/duvet close to him, and that he can't fall out of bed or get trapped down the side - it's safer for him than having a severely sleep deprived mum. (I think that's the gist of the safe co-sleeping guidelines, someone correct me if I'm wrong)

Yes - me too. Esp with ds2 - even if I was holding him he used to cry if I looked away from him!! He slept in the same bed as me till 9 months old - dh slept in the spare room. Didn't do much for our love life, but did wonders for our sanity

Do you have a baby sling? Your babe may just need the reassurance that your close. If this helps start off having your babe in the sling till he falls asleep then gently wrap him securely in a baby blanket and put him in his crib. Then you sleep while he sleeps it doesn't matter what time of day it is or whether the house work needs doing your physical and mental health is most important at the moment. Good Luck