I don't know how to get help

[letthefundusbegin]

I've posted here (with NC) to try and understand how I can get some help and support as I'm getting nowhere at the moment. Trying not to add too much detail in case I out myself so apologies if none of this makes sense.

Long story short- in the past year I had in injury which left me unable to work, following this and seeing specialists I was diagnosed with two related genetic conditions which mean the pains and problems are actually chronic, I am also now 18w pregnant.

I have been highly anxious for a long time, previously signed off work with stress/depression in the past. Whilst at uni the crisis team were involved, I saw a psychiatrist and bi-polar was discussed but I ran away and never went back, changed GP moved house etc etc. Problem I am having now is I am very low, I am really struggling but some of my medical notes have been lost so when I go to the GP and tell them I am struggling they don't believe me or won't refer. They have even told me that I can't have seen a psychiatrist before or it would be recorded! To be fair I have been registered at 3 different GP surgeries so far so it may be that bits are missing, the main reason I know I wasn't making it up or imagining it is that BIPOLAR is written on my maternity notes in big letters by the hosptial which must have come from somewhere as I wasn't going to tell them in case it jeopardised my maternity care. I can't remember how the crisis team got involved in the first place or how they got to my house but it was all a bit of a blur at the time.

Fast forward to now, since Oct last year I have been trying to get some help as I know I don't feel right. In January I sat and cried at the doctors and they gave me a flier for an NHS counselling service that I could self refer into so I did, waited a month for a phone consultation for them to tell me that I needed to be refered back to the psychiatrist. They promised that they would write to my GP. I waited a further month, went back to GP today and there is no record of them writing to GP and he doesn't feel that I have any mental health issues and that there is no history of this. So I don't know what to do. I am scared that something bad will happen and don't know how to stop it.

OP sorry you're having such a hard time being heard . Could you talk to your midwife about this? Your MH is important with regards your maternity care, and also sometimes midwives etc are better at actually listening to a person. A MH diagnosis /involvement will not jeopardise your maternity care, but it might ensure that you have enough support at what could be a tricky time.

You must be so upset. It's like something out of Kafka. As if they want you to think you are imagining things

The paperwork that's passed from practice to practice can so easily be lost. Also it's edited if that's the right word. They don't keep everything. I know that because I asked about something that has affected me since childhood and all they had was a letter to say I'd been discharged by the clinic. No help at all re investigations & tests

If you have any paperwork, emails etc in your possession you could give the GP a copy

I hope you get help for your MH problems before your baby is born. Ask if there's a midwife with MH specialisation

I have an appointment to see the 'specialist' midwife in April, think she deals with mental health. I think the hospital organised this after they wrote bipolar on my notes- I am also planning to ask her where they got the diagnosis from, seeing as my GP has no record of any of. If the hospital have any old records then perhaps they could send these over to the GP, although I've never been to the hospital my maternity care is based in before in my life so I'm still really confused at how some places have information on me and the GP doesn't. I also rang back to the office of the counselling people and asked them to call me back to see if they can send something to the GP as we had an hour long conversation about everything and I hoped that this could be passed on to someone.

I have tried explaining to family how I feel but have been told I'm "being ridiculous" and that I have always been like this and it isn't like it's something new. But that doesn't make it right does it? Plus the feelings I have which scare me are all the more scary now as I'm frightened what I will do and don't want to do something which will harm the baby but I'm not sure that this feeling is going to be enough to stop me. I'm trying really hard to be positive as one of the unhelpful suggestions I've had from DP is to try and "think differently", but I don't feel at all connected to this baby yet and I'm worried that when it does come that I won't understand what it wants and won't be able to cope. This situation is ridiculous as I'm not too young to be a parent, I'm educated, I'm not working at the moment but financially we are alright so really I have a lot of things that other people would be grateful for but it doesn't make me feel any better