GP appt made things even worse, am in crisis

[elementofsurprise]

The GP just didn't seem to get it. I explained I was struggling to do anything but sit in a crying heap and he asked what I did for a living and suggested I do more aerobic exercise! How does he think I hold down a job if I can't do anything but cry? How does he think I will go fo a run if I'm not coping popping to the shops?

At least he recognised PTSD for the first time ever a health professional has done that. But he just didn't seem to grasp that I ALREADY live my life in a very restricted, paced way, where I can't do anything to a timetable. I have days where I can't get out of bed and focus on not hurting myself. I try my best to eat healthily and I study part time (Open Uni), but I only manage these becaue obvs the timing is so flexible. I tell myself I'm doing ok and try not to think of how restricted my life actually is and how disabled I am.

I only go to see the GP if I'm in crisis and even my restricted life isn't working - when I literally am barely getting out of bed (just to go to docs), and am getting confused and crying and waffling out loud to myself in a distressed way. I went to see him because this was happening.

He seemed to think it was good that I was eating 3 meals a day and sleeping 8hrs. Wht he didn't seem to take in was that I'm eating bread and cheese cos I can't cope with cooking/think about what to cook/shopping. I'm also waking up with a start in a cold sweat every couple of hours, terrified and not recognisisng my surroundings. Having nightmares too. Also waking early with lots on mind and taking hours to go back to slep or napping later. I tried to explain but I find I get all confused and just sort of nod along and it's only afterwards that I can think clearly and know what I SHOULD have said. I can't even call him as it's the weekend.

I just want to die. I don't see how things can get better as no-one seems to understand or meet me where I'm at - they just tell me to do more things. I need support, encouragement, not just telling me to do more stuff when I've asked for help because I'm not coping with what I'm already doing. Do a lot of people go to the GP without trying to sort their own problems out or thinkng things through or something? Cos I find the stuff they say is stuff I tried/went through myself way back down the line - I only ask for help when I'm completely hopeless on my own!

I feel sick and tied up in knots inside, I can't even call him to explain cos it's the weekend.

I'm sorry you are in crisis and that your GP was unable to help. I'm hopefully keeping this in the active threads list so someone with more experience can help.

You need help today! Do t leave it any longer. You know yourself there are no quick fixes to this but leaving it isn't working.

Only you can tell if your in crisis but as you recognise yourself it's not getting better and you can't cope with it much longer.

Definatley seek some help! Can you get another GP appointment today? Do you have much support around you? Friends, family etc?

Is there mental health crisis team in your area? I think there should be.

I don't have a lot of experience either but I have to say that you absolutely have to go back to your gp and explain again how youare feeling - sometimes the only way tostress how bad you are feeling is to keep going back.

Things can and will get better. You just need to access the right support for you.

I know it's hard but you must go back and even write down you're feelings before so you don't get caught up in the moment of being there and forget/rush.

Phone your local mental health crisis tream. They'll understand. Hope you get some help soon.

Do a lot of people go to the GP without trying to sort their own problems out or thinkng things through or something? I have wondered this. Same with mh services. I have concluded that yes, actually... They do! People like us _- intelligent, articulate, self reliant - have tried everything and are genuinely at the end of our rope - are infrequent and services really don't know how to deal with us. I sat in this interminable group being lectured at about how to think before we ate too many cream cakes but many of the other SUs genuinely seemed enlightened.
I don't know the answer. But I hear you. It sucks. And I'm sorry you feel so crap x

Before you go back have a think about what it is you want from it and then be firm (which I know from experience is very hard to do when you're in your current mindset).

I have a hormonal imbalance due to a medical condition I have. If I'm not medicated it manifests in me becoming extremely depressed. It took them 8 years to work this out and get me on the correct medication. I have since changed doctors and I am now on a specific contraceptive pill which ordinarily keeps my hormones where they need to be. But every few years (as was explained to me by my old doctors) I struggle and have to go back on a short course of the antidepressants.

The first time I went to my new doctor and asked for them and explained the situation he was very scathing and said he wasn't going to just hand them out until I had tried other methods (I tried pretty much everything in those 8 years but there's not much you can do it its related to a hormonal imbalance).

I came home feeling very disheartened like you sound and didn't know what to do. In the end I went back and was very no-nonsense about it. He did what I asked and that was that.

If you think therapy would benefit you go in and tell him that you need to be referred - don't ask, tell (though be prepared for a long wait, my first referral took 2 years). If you want to try anti depressants, research which one you think would suit you, go in and say "I need a course of x prescribed".

Whatever you decide you need, go in there and be very firm about it. Normally this changes things and you will get no trouble, if you do refuse to leave until they do take you seriously.

Ultimately, big hugs OP, you need support and understanding not a gp giving you the brush off. Stick at it, life gets so much better

cake that's interesting about hormones... I've tried the contraceptive pill again, because I have endometriosis, and I figured when I try to work again I'll get fired if I need a day offf every month with pain... However, I'm sure it's contributed to me being more depressed. Massive correlation in fact. Not going to take any more pills, although am anxious about being out of action for a day a month in future......

I have been asking for therapy since I broke down 5.5 yrs ago. Long term psychotherapy which I need is not available round here, and they say I'm unsuitable for other interventions. My GP has referred me again and again, and the CMHT refuse to take me on. TBH the only reason I bother seeing the GP now is so that they are in the loop, things are recorded so there's a paper trail if the worst happens, and also in all recorded for disability benefit purposes. I tried seeing a private therapist but she stopped seeing me suddenly, saying I needed more help and writing to my GP. GP can't FORCE the services to help though. I have done the refuse to leave thing before and I just get arrested, and more traumatic memories to add to the rest.

He gave me antidepressants - the stuff formerly sold as Seroxat, ffs! I've looked up the evidence and it's overall considered no better than a placebo and with awful side effects and withdrawal! Antidepressants have never helped before either. I dont want to take it but am scared of being labelled non-compliant. I am incredibly lonely and unsupported, just having someone care would make a huge difference. I am dealing with trauma, with literally being in a terrfying position (reliant on benefits, unemployable), with STUFF, not a random chemical inbalance. I just wish I had supportive friends.

Broken1Girl that's interesting. Makes me feel really pissed off though - so the people who haven't bothered trying to sort it out themselves get support and help, whilst those of us who have tried everything and are genuinely in dire need of help get treated like timewasters?! WTAF?!!!!

TBH I just want the GP to be aware, and to understand, and to try to get me therapy if possible. I dont see wht else he can do really. Am tempted to print this out as it's hard to explain in person.

Also, I spoke to the crisis team yesterday. Which was unusual as normally they just refuse to speak to me and tell me to call the GP.