Nearly at breaking point.. Dh doesn't understand

[Cat2014]

I have confided in dh tonight how I've been feeling but I'm not sure he's taking it seriously..
Basically I want to disappear. I've had enough. I told him
I feel close to breaking point.
I don't know how to ask for help any other way. I don't even know what would help me.

Thank you marchate that's good advice. I am so appreciative of the support on here, it's helped keep me going this week. Ds is asleep and I am still wondering whether to just go. But I've nowhere to go.

an early night may help? i struggled when i went back to work after DS and felt a bit like yourself. i ended up confiding in mil and she talked to my OH and made him realise i needed him to step up and be a partner not just another person in the house. ended up on AD and referred to mental health team for councilling. alot of my issues related back to my mother walking out on us when i was a toddler, my DS was the reason i got help and kept on going. i went sick as long as i could then got a new job before christmas with 21hrs instead of 40hrs per week. things are a lot better now and OH has stepped up a bit. one of the things i try to remember is the airplane safety advice; you need to help yourself before helping others, everyday i try to do something for myself like read a few pages of a book or have a bath or an early night. hope that helps?

Thank you yes I need more sleep and to cut down on the wine - I often turn to it after a hard day (not every day) but it helps short term. Helps when I am anxious but I know it doesn't help with depression long term. I am so overwhelmed by everything at the moment.

Do you have a family member or a close friend in which you will be able to confide in....
Are you having support from anywhere
What is it that you need or want to do
Have you sat down with your husband and told him how you are feeling

Hey op hope your ok.

If it was me (and I suffer from anxiety) oh go get a sick note and have some time off work. I know your holding things together st work at the moment but really you need to make yourself priority. If work falls to pieces so be it - you need to fix yourself do you can function for your kids.

I don't know about your Dh - I'm sure you have told him exactly what you are feeling but he doesn't have much empathy and is probally contributing to how shit you feel.

Can you go and stay with a family member while you get some head space? Maybe your Dh might sit up and take notice of you change the norm.

If I'm bad with my anxiety my Dh is very good. He really props me up and I'd be lost with out him. He has gone away on buisness and spent 45 mins on the phone to me from Dubai this morning as I woke up in a bad place (mind wise). Your Dh should be supporting you not having ago over the washing.

You need a break X

Put the wine down also. It's doing you no favours

Are you still at home? Yes...you do need to look after yourself first and foremost...you are the centre of the family unit.....your husband is most probably scared about the change in you and does not know how to handle or approach it...
He may be trying to not focus on it as though it is not happening because of fear...
Maybe sit with your husband , discuss finances....see if there is a way in which you are able to slightly reduce your working hours.....possibly discuss how you are feeling with your manager at work so you are having support there also...
Routine is Important for both yourself and your son,,,,please try to stay positive...I appreciate it is extremely difficult.....your son and husband need you....
Please try to take some time tomorrow and make an emergency appointment at the surgery and talk to the doctor, nurse, anyone that is able to help you...you need to get help, support and advice as to what is best for you to be able to feel better.....As said on an earlier comment...mental health unfortunately is lonely, cruel and harsh and will test you to the very tip,of your limits.....with the best support that you are able to receive there is a way forward...
Please try to find someone to help you, support you and who is able to help you have some time to yourself...
I do hope you find some peace...

I hope you don't mind me asking, but what work do you do op? And what does 'd'h do? Why is foil buying your job?

It sounds to me like part of your problem is your mental health, which can be addressed through the ADs etc, but part of it is dh, which needs a while different approach.

Can I update.. Dh is leaving me, he told me last week. It's largely because he says he can't deal with my mental health issues. I'm so upset and need a hand hold. I'm trying to be strong and I've upped my citalopram to 40.

Oh Cat, I'm so sad to hear things are difficult right now. He is being very selfish. But I don't mean to sound blunt: he was not helping your mental health. Once you get through this you might find life is a whole lot easier without him

Maybe that's not what you want to hear, sorry. I absolutely don't mean to cause you any further upset

You and your son will come through this xx

Really sorry to hear this. I had similar.

I know that will be a blow for you Cat but I think after the dust has settled you will feel better as you never knew where you were with him did you, and you don't need that kind of thing, causing anxiety. You won't have to worry about him and whether he's going to be supportive or not. I assume you are keeping little one with you. There must be loads of practical things to sort out.

Let us know how you go...............

Thank you. You are right. I have been devastated but I can see a chink of light at the end of the tunnel. My friends and family, and also his family are being supportive. Ds will stay with me but see his dad lots.

He hasn't left the house yet, he's leaving at the weekend and will stay with his parents for a while, any thoughts on what to tell ds? I suppose it's a trial for now. And dh wants to see ds as much as poss and for us to still be friends. I suspect someone else Tbh but I don't really care, if anything that's better than thinking I'm totally unloveable that he would give up his family for nothing.
I know being amicable is the best way to go and I intend to go along with that.
So, what to tell ds? (7)
Thanks

I'm really glad that this is going to be an amicable split (hope you can trust the ex to keep his word on that?) Yes I must admit I wondered about another woman but good thing you're not bothered. I think you have to keep it simple with your son, because at 7 his understanding of abstract concepts will be very limited. He knows you're living part (has he asked why?) so maybe just that you and daddy will have separate houses because you don't get on very well, but you both still love him and he will see his daddy and grandparents (if there are any) and the golden rule is never undermine the other parent or say anything derogatory (no matter what you might think) as that really screws kids up. I have a close friend who split up with her children's father when they were 7 and 9, and it worked for them. I think if children are forced to have divided loyalties between their parent it causes emotional turmoil for them.

Hi,
I'm currently on AD which do seem to help, Without them i get health anxiety, thoughts that I have cancer or am going to drop down dead from an brain bleed constantly. I have been on them a year and thought I was ready to come off them, but as O lowered the dose , everything came back again. Does anyone have to take AD for life?

I also suffer from perfectionism, which I'v mentioned to a therapist bt no one understands. I have to have the house spotless everyday or I feel really anxious. I also get obbsesions like all my families clothes have to be plain, no patterns and a certain number items. ie 3 t shirts, 2 trouser 1 jean. For everyone. I can't help it, I have to sort things all the time and am constantly throwing away things to live with as little as possible. Its like its a cleansing process. Its not OCD as I don't do it to ward off bad thoughts. I can't leave it (an odd coloured towel , or not right number plates) I will go into debt just to get it right

Anyone else suffer from this and have any idea what it is? and why?