Feel numb, feel, empty, feel totally defeated, just want it all to go away

[puddytats]

Can't stop crying. Feel so useless. Have nothing left to give. I just don't know what to do any more. I feel like a shell, going through the motions, doing a good ipmression of coping but constantly screaming inside.
Feel so selfish as at least my DH will come home so i should be coping, i should stop feeling so sprry for myself. There are people in much worse situations than me. What gives me the right to wallow in self pity. But i just can't stop.
I hate my life at the moment. That is a horrid thing to feel as i have 2 fantastic children. Why can i not just be happy?

i felt like that new years eve something set me off - i really dont know what - but took a bottle of vodka and 100 painkillers up to the bathroom - but could go thru with it, all i kept thinking was "what if ds1 finds me"

im so orry imsure things will get better i hope you have someone to talk too

im around if u ever want to

you are going through a very stressful time atm. i think you have to allow yourself to feel like this for a while. accept these emotions and feelings, let them all out and then you can move forward to happier times when DH will be home.

You are going through a very very very tough thing puddytats. It's hard to be happy on command and natural to feel awful about this situation especially now the first shock is wearing off and you are facing the reality of your husband being away. I hope you will feel better soon but please don't beat yourself up for going through a kind of grief at finding yourself in this situation.

I just don't know how to keep going anymore, every morning i wake up and wish that i hadn't. I am not the one who is locked up. I am still allowed to live my life. I just don't want to. That makes me so incredibly selfish and unworthy

Off to bed, at least another day is finished, just have to get through the night and it all starts again.
Thank you to those have replied, it is the loneliness that is the hardest at the moment.

Oh puddytats, im so sorry you feel so low.
I know its hard but you need to keep going for the sake of your children and for DH when he gets home.
I know its unfair that you have to pick up the peices day after day, but you are doing it and it will get easier in sure.
Hugs ((()))

puddytats just keep counting down the days, and just take one day at a time and know that there is support here for you 24/7 if and when you want it.

puddytats - poor you. Excuse me for asking, but was it you (under different name) whose husband was in court for fraud just before Christmas? I tried to find the thread to find out what had happened but it had disappeared. I had been thinking a lot about the family facing that.

yes it was fortyplus

puddytats, you're not wallowing in self pity, you're under a lot of pressure, and have been for a long time.
You have a lot of responsibility on your shoulders - being strong for your children and your DH. Anyone would find it difficult and feel tired and sad with it all.
Keep posting, and perhaps visit your GP to discuss what types of support and help are available to you. x

Oh God...
I was really hoping things would work out better than that like they did for my Dad's friend.

It's certainly hard being a single parent. I support 5 on my own with no financial help and when you're used to having the other half around and then lose him it's difficult. In your case he'll be back but not mine. I also think that it's not really circumstances but but other factors that determine how we feel. Sometimes depression is triggered by external factors like this so you might need some anti-depressants and therapy combined. In a sense the worst bit is over, the uncertainty. Now everything is certain (unless there are civil recovery proceedings to get his money I suppose from those who lost out financially). Sometimes being very busy is usefully distracting.

I knew someone whose husband died suddenly. She was ok financially but said the hardest thing is just being in the house with the children - knowing that no one is going to ask if you fancy a cup of tea.

How are you today, puddytats? Lots of people must be thinking of you

puddytats??? Been thinking of you