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Mental health

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Original poster

Can't cope alone with my 3 dd's anymore

15 replies

shagirl · 30/12/2006 10:15

Hi, Don't know if anyone is around but my dh is working long shifts at the mo so it's just me & my 3 dd's (1, 3 & 7) at home. I feel I've gone totally mad & go between wanting to cry & then wanting to shout at them. I feel totally crap inside & can't even cope when one of them talks to me. My youngest whines the whole time which is so grating. I have a history of depression & at the mo am having to take a break from my usual ad before starting a new one next week. I know I'm being so unfair & horrid to my kiddies but that won't stop me being mean to them - I'm a crap mother & should never have had children (I do love them loads though). I also have a very low self-esteem & feel really fat & ugly at the mo - I've even worn the same skirt 5 days in a row cos I can't face not being able to fit into my other clothes.
Sorry to rant, I know I need to get out the house & more importantly to get a life but just feel almost as if I would self -harm - I wouldn't though as I'm too much of a wimp!

OP posts:

Aloha · 30/12/2006 10:18

I suspect the break from your ADs is having a huge effect on you. I think you should get back to your GP pronto - you sound very depressed to me. Also, have you been offered any other treatment to go with the Ads, such as counselling? It sounds as if this is a long-term problem for you.

Original poster

shagirl · 30/12/2006 10:34

Yes Aloha - I've had one counselling session so far, the next is in 2 weeks time. Unfortunately I think you're right in saying it is a long term problem for me.

OP posts:

lulumama · 30/12/2006 10:37

hi shagirl...you are certainly depressed, very depressed, with your self esteem at rock bottom. can you not start your new ADs, do you have them yet?

of course you are not a crap mother, you are unwell.......you will get through it

re self - harm- you obviously have pressure and negativitity building up inside you which needs releasing, it is good you are not doing it, but you also need to find a way to release the pressure.

don;t be afraid to call the samaritans if you need help in the meantime

Original poster

shagirl · 30/12/2006 10:43

lulumama yes I've got my new AD's but dr said to leave one week before starting them - that would mean starting them on Tuesday. I do feel I've got so much negative pressure building upside me, somethimes I feel I could just explode! I was given a relaxation CD to do by my counsellor, she says I should try & do it 20 mins each day!!! There is just no way I can do this at the mo!

OP posts:

lulumama · 30/12/2006 10:46

why do you have to leave it? i went from one ad to another with no break......unsure why uou would have a break when you clearly need the tablets..need to speak to the GP urgently...

if you cannot do the relaxation, find something else

do you enjoy cooking, baking, reading, sewing, music, driving, walking....

try and do something you enjoy for a few minutes...

RubyRioja · 30/12/2006 10:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Judy1234 · 30/12/2006 10:58

How awful for you. If it's any comfort I've worn the same skirt fot 5 days. I don't think it's dirty enough to wash yet. If it's really hard ask your doctor if you can start the new tablets sooner.

Many women with small children find that even if they work at a loss for their own sanity they need to return to full time work. Is that an option for you? You then get your 10 hours break a day from the children, adult company etc.

Frostythesurfmum · 30/12/2006 11:05

Is there anyone who could take the girls for you? Separately or together? Just to give you a bit of a breather. I've used relaxation tapes in the past and they really did help, but like you say, you have to be able to make time to do them and that sounds difficult for you.

I used to work for a psychiatrist and they would advise patients to have a break between certain drugs. I'm not sure why, but there must have been a good reason, maybe because there may be an interaction between some of the ingredients. Make sure you take medical advice before you do anything other than what your GP has advised.

Hang on in there though, these feelings won't last forever. Once the new ads kick in you'll start to feel better. I do know how you're feeling though right now and it's hell isn't it?

If you're worried you might self harm and there isn't anyone you can talk to you can always phone the Samaritans.

Take care.

Pinkchampagne · 30/12/2006 11:09

Poor you. I can totally sympathise with the feeling like you cannot cope with the children, as I often feel exactually the same way. I have two DS's & am under quite a bit of stress atm, & often feel I am an awful mother & should never have had children etc, because when I am very stressed I do shout more than I should.
I know I am not really a terrible mother & it's just that sometimes I can't cope with the children misbehaving on top of everything else.
With this & everything else you describe (thoughts of self harming & very negative thoughts about yourself), it does sound like you are depressed, but hopefully once the new ADs kick in you will feel much better.
All the best.x

Original poster

shagirl · 30/12/2006 12:52

Thanks everyone for your kind messages. Have just been out to the post box, I still feel v.low but at least it got the dd's out.
Just wondering how to get through this afternoon now.
Am lucky that my parents live locally & do help but to be honest they are never that keen to have all 3 at once & I'm afraid I haven't even confided in them about my depression - it would make me feel too much of a failure.

OP posts:

Pinkchampagne · 30/12/2006 13:00

Of course you are not a failure! Depression isn't something you have any control over!
Please confide in your parents, as you could do with a little extra support right now. Don't feel you have to try & struggle on alone.
Take care.

mummy2aaron · 30/12/2006 13:20

You are not a wimp - ad's aside it is hard looking after three children (mine are the same age) all alone. When you factor in your depression no wonder you feel low - you are not a crap mother and you are doing your best.

Could you maybe start the ad's early surely it can't make things any worse for you than they are now. Perhaps you could ring NHS Direct and ask for their advice on it. And as for feeling fat and ugly, honey I wish I looked as good as you! I haven't been able to wear a skirt for years, my legs are too fat!!

Original poster

shagirl · 30/12/2006 19:34

Still can't face telling my parents but am so looking forward to new ad's kicking in!

OP posts:

mummy2aaron · 01/01/2007 10:59

Hiya, how are things going?

Original poster

shagirl · 06/01/2007 20:36

Hi mummy2aaron
Good to hear from you! I started my new AD's on Monday & feel a little bit calmer inside but still have mega stressful moments where I just seem to lose the plot. In particular I seem to be v.mean to my 7 year old dd & then feel so gulity! I guess it's going to be a long road to feeling totally normal again.
x

OP posts:

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