I have namechanged to post this. I know there have been topics about similar stuff in the past but couldn't find anything recent.
My DH has just been diagnosed with Aspergers. Ever since we got together more than a decade ago there have been things about him that I had felt were unusual or difficult but had always put down to his family background etc. However the combination of us having our DC and him having a stressful job significantly worsened everything to the point that someone suggested to us that we look into Aspergers. Lo and behold, he has been diagnosed.
I've been reading loads of threads about people with AS partners on here and so much of it is so familiar. DH is high functioning but the main areas in which he struggles are communication, emotions and conflict. Him getting angry or us having an argument has always resulted in meltdown for him, where he literally can't speak until he has processed it all, or when he does speak he comes across as incredibly nasty and cold.
The meltdowns, while they tend to only happen once or twice a year, have had such an emotionally exhausting impact on me. Last year, the big one he did have meant he barely spoke to me for more than a month. I had no idea how to resolve the situation and felt paralysed as to what to do. I have terrible anxiety related to his moods and one of the things I am trying to come to terms with (and figure out how to deal with) is the affect all these years of difficult situations before he was diagnosed have had on my mental health and emotional wellbeing. I have really been able to identify with all I've read on older threads on here about feeling on edge all the time, feeling unsupported emotionally, low self-esteem, feeling as if I am needy and pathetic for wanting emotional support from someone (because that's how he has made me feel, unintentionally or not), feeling as if I 'don't have a voice' because he sees any discussion about things that have happened as uber-critical and an 'attack' on him, and cannot resolve stuff. I feel as if over the years I have shut down emotionally a little bit more with every meltdown.
Basically, if anyone has any recommendations re: resources, things that might help, that would be great. I think I am going to self-refer to local mental health services because I am recognising that I really need some help in that way. Just knowing that there are other people around who understand is a start. As he has only just been diagnosed we have not really done much talking about how we will move forward.