I just need to say that and I have no one to say it to IRL. Actually, that is a lie, I said those exact words to DH last night. He said "I know". That was it, nothing since.
I ache all over, I want to cry all the time, I am not really coping with everything being a mum entails so I carry a huge Guilt around too.
I live a lie behind a veil of "I'm ok" - i confided in a few friends when I was finally diagnosed with depression and not one of them asks how I am doing anymore. Because I get on with life, I smile and laugh, I pretend I am ok.
I have this horrible inability to be able to actually vocalise any of this. I go the the GP and j can't tel, them how I feel. I stopped taking my meds becasue I was convinced they were making me fat, I'm still fat but I am scared of taking them in case I get fatter.
No one would know how desperate I feel inside sometimes, because of my outward appearance. And those I have confided in either don't believe me (yes, one friend actually said that) or have forgotten about me.
DH doesn't ask me anymore because I think he is fed up with the answer. I have stopped telling him anything because it makes me sadder when he doesn't seem to care.
I just need to say, I am not doing so good.