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Mental health

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Original poster

dd burnt herself this am >>>>

18 replies

tron · 17/12/2006 20:37

and i'm feeling so guilty - she's only 6 months. dh put his porridge on the table and she put her fingers in it. I'm sure at the hospital they think i'm a terrible neglectful parent. ds is always ending up in casualty, he's 4. i've been crying most of the day - if only i'd been looking after her properly and watching her is wouldn't have happened. is it my fault - i know these children don't deserve such a rubbish mother and would be better off without me

OP posts:

southeastastra · 17/12/2006 20:41

please don't feel like that things happen but they would never be better off without you

twickersmum · 17/12/2006 20:41

well my dd at 10 months grabbed my hair straighteners, whilst i was using them, and really burnt her fingers. ouch, i can still hear the scream.
tbh kids do these things.
we can only do our best
the fact that you care and are this upset just shows what a great mum you are. Just ask any mum, everyone has had some kind of accident. Don't beat yourself up! Kids get over pain very quickly and casualty see this all the time.

twofishes · 17/12/2006 20:47

I know exactly how you feel, ended up in Alder Hey with my DD when she was 11 months after she grabbed a jug of hot water off the side that I was warming her bottle in ( had her on my hip at time as she was crying).
Scalding water all over face and upper body, skin immediately peeled ,imerged in sink of cold water panicking and trying to ring 999 with my then DS 4 yrs crying ...the worse day of my life
Got to hospital they warned me she could die if went into shock ( this only classed as 10% burns) felt like the cr*pest mother on earth!!!
Thankfully she got thru' it all with only a small scar, but everytime I see it I remember that feeling...but you are their Mum and the only one they want and I bet you are brilliant DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF accidents happen !!

hoolagirl · 17/12/2006 23:52

When my DS was 11 weeks old, I dipped his foot in a cup of tea. Not on purpose I hasten to add. Skin peeled off toes, he wasn't crying hysterically at hospital, they told me that the nerves may have been burnt off
They weren't and he is absolutely fine now .
The point is, that this happens to a lot of people, please don't beat yourself up about it!

Cadeauxmum · 19/12/2006 10:01

It is called an accident for a reason...

Please don't beat yourself up. Your children love you and need you.

I can add that dd1 was badly scalded at 2 years old when she reached for the broccoli in the microwave oven. Her chest still bears the scar and it breaks my heart.

Dd2 (9 months) burned her fingers reaching for a candle the other day at a Scouting Christmas party and I am convinced that all of this Austrian village wonder how in the heck our older two have survived to be 9 and 7 years old when I am such a negligent mother...Only moments earlier she had pulled over a chair containing her 16kg brother, badly bruising her thighs!

Accidents happen and you are only human. Forgive yourself and move on.

colditz · 19/12/2006 10:03

Oh tron, a few weeks ago ds1 put his whole hand into the yolk of my fried egg! nothing to do with neglect, don't panic. It was aan accident. they are speedy little buggers and it happens to us all!

MerryMellowmas · 19/12/2006 10:14

My DS1 was burnt with tea/coffee.

The first was during a tiff between dh & myself, I put cup down as we argued and DS1 pulled it on top of himself.

Another time my nephew was staying witm my parents (his G/P) my mother was on the phone, I was in bedroom with dh and his baby walker tipped, knocked over the fire guard and he fell face down onto the glass on their closed in fire and his face was badly burnt. (cannot see anything now - I practially threw him into the bath!!)

Accidents happen, hopsitals will see this type of thing every day.

christmas2NDTIMEmistletoenwine · 22/12/2006 18:29

I didn't strap 7 day old DD into her pram. She fell out head first onto the pavement when I went up some steps!!

She was x-rayed and kept in for observations, but was fine.

I did beat myself up with the what if's, but it was an accident. I didn't intend to hurt her.

You can only do your best. Accidents will always happen. You are a good Mum (or you be posting on here about how awful you feel)and your kids need you more than anything in the world.xx

pantomimEdam · 22/12/2006 18:33

Aw tron, sorry you feel so bad. If it's any comfort, ds stuck his fingers in my cup of tea when he was a baby. Luckily the cafe owner gave me lots of cold water and he was OK.

PeachyIsNowAChristmasFruit · 22/12/2006 18:36

Dh slipped on the stairs carrying a small ds3, ds3 slipped rom his arms and ended up in hospital.

I didn't wale when my ds1 removed DS3 from his cot, DS1 placed him in the bunk bed, ds3 rolled over, out and onto lego- is still scarred. Hd to have stitches.

So you see anyone can do it.

Its horrid, but nobody is perfect.

(also yelled the odds at ds1,2 and 3 for noise one night- really angry- turned oput there was a small earthquake causing the moise . Nt dangetous but embarassing)

Flumpybumpy · 22/12/2006 19:13

My DH dropped DD in the bath when she was 3 days old. He was lifting her out, she slipped and landed on her head back the water. She screamed like crazy but after being checked out in A & E they said she was fine.

Accidents happen, don't worry we have all been there.

FB x

Mum2FunkyDude · 22/12/2006 19:38

FunkyDude stuck his finger in his birthday candle
and pinched four fingers in the hinge side of his bedroom door...we are only human and do not have 4 eyes!

bloomingnora · 22/12/2006 19:42

Actually you sound like a very good mother - porridge for breakfast is excellent!

divastrop · 22/12/2006 20:15

i know that doctors etc can make you feel awful sometimes.ds2 ended up in a+e 3 times having eaten small things(well,the first time i thought hed eaten a sim card but only cos i'd turned the house upside down and couldnt find it),the other times wereb things that had been left out by the older two.i would have thought a doctor would understand that 6 and 7 yaer olds dont always put their toys away but i still got nasty comments about ds2 'swallowing foreign bodies' 'regularly'

there is also a doctor at my gp surgery who always makes it clear that she thinks ive got far too many children and obviously cant cope.i took dd2 to see her a few weeks ago cos she had a chest infection(which she wouldnt have caught if i didnt have older children at school)but the doc seemed more concerned about the cat scratch on dd's hand.(dd is 1 and had grabbed the cats tail).

sorry for rambling,but what im saying is i know sometimes it can feel as if youre beingn accused of being neglectful,especially when youre depressed and feeling crap anyway,but accidents do happen,and the doctors do know that.

Original poster

tron · 29/12/2006 21:19

mmmm i know but everyone keeps on and on poor little thing, how did that happen? will she be scarred or need skin grafts etc etc etc - i really have to bite my lip or i'll either snap or end up in a heap blubbing. DS who is 4 has been to a&e more times than he's had birthdays. He pulled a lamp on himself and it smashed and cut his leg - needed paper stiches, burnt his arm on a friends bbq, stuck pop corn up his nose, swallowed 10p, fell down the stairs and broke both bones in his lower arm and fell over and cut his head open on ralings, the last was at school. Apparently the hospital send details to family's hv. All of these are when i should have been watching him more closely and now i'm doing the same with DD. If they put it all together it really doesn't look good. Does it?

At least they have a healthy breakie - thanks bloomingnora

OP posts:

ELF1981 · 29/12/2006 21:34

tron, not read all the thread, but dont feel guilty.
Accidents happen. They make you feel like shite, but they happen. Our DD fell off the bed when she was about seven months old and I cried for days. Then she rolled off the changing table (luckily DH caught her by the leg) but again I cried for days!
Please dont feel bad.

Our HV upset me and DH when they had the follow up report with "well, I can see it probably was just an accident" when she rolled off the bed. She then gave DH a big lecture when he said no to her question of did we have a fire guard, til he said he didn't see much point of having one when we didn't have a fire. Shut her up.

divastrop · 01/01/2007 14:10

you would have to be a giant eyeball to watch kids more closely.it does my head in the way hv's etc make you feel when kids get bumps and bruises.they are kids fgs,they are learning how to survive independantly in the world,they need to learn that hot htings burn,falling off high things hurts etc etc.

dont blame yourself,you will end up driving yourself mad.

grouchyoscar · 01/01/2007 14:37

Tron...hugs, you are NOT a bad parent and your DK's need a loving caring mother...YOU.

2006 saw my Ds (3.5) knock a tooth out on a brio train track bridge, perforate his own eardrum on a cotton bud, run across a busy road and last week, fall into the park duck pond. And yes, I feel such an attrocious mother everytime something like that happens.

I think it's the occupational hazard of being a parent TBH Please don't beat yourself up about it. Things happen despite your best attempts to prevent it.

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