realised I have depression -help

[Tuesday11]

I feel like I've had depression and possibly anxiety for years but have only just realised it. I've lived like it for so long that I know I was never feeling normal but I've just felt like a zombie and never really stopped to consider something might actually be wrong mentally.

I struggle to motivate myself to do anything, I struggle to interact with my dd and often struggle to leave the house with her. I feel hazy when I'm out and about.
I never make plans to meet friends and if there is something planned I usually make an excuse not to go. The only things I seem to be able to do are those which are absolutely necessary like getting myself to work and dropping dd at nursery. I struggle to find motivation outside of these.

My partner has just walked out i think he has had enough and I have been pushing him away. I think this is what has made me self reflect and realise I need help. I don't feel like I can confide in anyone except him because I feel embarrassed to admit how I'm really feeling.

What do I do from here? Should I go to my gp?

I'm also worried about work. I feel like I can't cope with my job and it's making me very anxious but the thought of finding a new one just feels me with dread

Any advice would be much appreciated

Sorry to hear you're feeling like this OP. Well done for admitting you need help though; that's often the hardest step. Your GP will be able to prescribe ADs, which are very good at treating the symptoms, but they won't sort out the cause - for that counselling is usually best. Ask your GP, but if your NHS board is anything like mine, you'll be on the waiting list for months, if not years - best to see if there's a counselling charity near you.

Your husband leaving you is not your fault btw, you have an illness, which needs to be treated. It is not your fault.

Definitely go to your GP.

I was depressed enough to be on the verge of suicide a couple of years ago - GP got me onto anti-depressants and I had six weeks of therapy, with the offer of more if I needed it. I'm almost off the ADs now and I'm the happiest I've been in, well, years.

Good luck.

My wife suffers from depression and anxiety and a lot of your symptoms match. Go to your GP and ask to be booked for an assessment with a therapist. It may feel scary to do that, but it will help. Good luck.

Can I add another voice?
There is nothing to be ashamed about if you have depression. It is a medical illness just like thyrioditis or diabetes. Although sometimes difficult to treat, it can be cured or managed in the ssame way that diabetes can be managed. But you do need to speak to a doctor because the therapies are offered via medical system rather than social support.

Please keep posting as you begin the road to recovery.
Proff.

Thank you everyone.

I have made an appointment to see my gp next week.

I'm just so angry at myself for not realising what I've been feeling is depression and leaving it until DP was at breaking point so it drove him away. I also feel angry at him for not supporting me during this time, at least for the sake of our dd if not for me :(

Unfortunately op not everyone is able (for whatever reason) to be able to support their partner through something like depression. Fwiw I agree with you. Good luck at the docs and let us know how you get on. I found mumsnet really helpful when I had depression (before I was diagnosed with it)

Tuesday..
Please do not be angry with yourself. One of the things I most remember about when I broke was that .... Until I actually broke, I realy did think my behaviour was "normal".., I would pick fights with everyone at work. Send emails in CAPS (effectively shouting at people). I Was drinking tooooo much. Uet all the time .i really thought everyone else was at fault.

It taught me that you can only see the world through your own eyes. Sadly when you are ill, your ability to see is deeply affected. It doesn't make you a bad peson.