when does it all end ?

[Neverletmego27]

I am a single mum. My dd is 8. Since she was 6, I've had depression, ptsd, dysthmia and the symptoms of bpd / traits that come out when I'm stressed. This is what psychology say anyway. I've had 2 psychotic episodes, tried to end my life multiple times and recently ended up in hospitAl for the first time after trying to end my life. I am also doing a master's degree. I get phases of psychosis and paranoid thoughts followed by depressions, and I can feel myself slipping into a depression. This is my first time being so ill and I just wanted to know that it gets better, somehow, somewhere.....

Yeah. They want me to go into hospital/respite again. Not sure when, said they would keep me posted.

How are you feeling about it? The advantage of being inpatient is that they can get your medication sorted and keep you safe.

Yeah I'm going to respite, so I guess a little different

Best of luck with it. I'm here to listen if you need to talk

Thank you. I'm a bit scared at the minute as I don't know what to expect.

Have they told you anything about it? Do you know when you're going or are you still waiting for them to arrange it?

Still waiting for them to arrange it- could be a couple of hours yet.

Waiting is never fun! Do you have anything to keep you occupied?

hope all goes ok
keep trying to be positive

this is a blip
things will get better

I've just been listening to music and posting on facebook, but it is tedious waiting.

Have you heard from them yet?

Sorry I didn't reply. I'm at the respite place. I tried to end my life last night so they have asked me not to go out . They have also given me some diapazem. I'm fed up. I just want to curl up in a ball and die.

I'm glad you're safe OP. Have they had a look at your medication?

No just giving me diapazem on top of my normal meds

Glad you're safe, hope the diazepam is helping take the edge off a bit.

Please keep posting if you need to OP

Thank you. I've just been and asked for the last diapazem I'm allowed today. Don't know where my heads at really. I know I'm ill but I don't feel it. I just saw my abuser (not real I know he isn't real) at the door.

Keep talking to the staff there, they're there is support you. Hope the diazepam kicks in soon.

I haven't really talked to any of the staff about what's going on in my head. They aren't all that approachable.

Sorry to hear that, I've never been in respite so don't know much about it but I'm here to listen if you want to talk about what you're up to there or anything else. Hopefully there'll be some friendlier staff on the next shift.

My friends looking after my dd have just told me they are taking her on holiday skiing next week. All arranged with social services and school. I'm very grateful to friend but scares ill loose dd.

It's lovely that your DD is going to have a nice holiday but I understand your fears. However, from SS point of view, you're seeking and accepting treatment and you've made sure your DD is safe and happy. That's what they'll want to see. Focus on your treatment and getting well.

It sounds like they're making sure your DD is occupied with something fun/different so you can concentrate on getting better. It sounds like you do a great job caring for her, even if you don't feel like that's the case right now. Of course you won't lose her.

Thank you. My diapazem has kicked in a bit now so I'm feeling much calmer. I don't really like it here though and I think I'd like to see if I can go home tommorow.

Try and get some sleep, the diazepam should help and see how you feel in the morning. Do you think you would be safe at home?