I've messed up everything.
I hate Christmas for what it is, hate what it makes me remember.
Everything at home has gone wrong. My daughter has moved in with her friend and won't speak to me. She has been gone 4 weeks and she has made it clear she won't be coming home.
It hurts so much.
My youngest is still here and is trying so hard but he shouldn't be, he should be being a child.
Her behaviour was bad but social work told me it's normal, but my normal is so different to their different. She wasn't going to school, she was drinking and working too many hours.
My normal growing up was being abused by my mum and dad and their friends, checking under cars for bombs, having armed guards on the school bus and at the school gates, that's my normal.
My head is a mess, I can't cope, can't go out, I can't stop crying. Everything is hopeless.
The thought of Christmas fills me with dread. They were always so cruel to me, watching my sisters open their presents and I had nothing, or they would give me some but take them back. I had to earn them and if I got it wrong they would hurt me real bad.
I want out, life's to hard and it hurts to breath.
I'm sorry if I've said the wrong thing but thank you for reading this.