think I might be having a breakdown

[MountainDweller]

I just feel like I've lost control, my feelings aren't logical anymore.

I was given an AD that made me shake (I wrote a post about it). I'm off it now for2 weeks but still shaking, it's the meds not anxiety. I think it is actually driving me mad. It's hard to do stuff - I've broken 5 cups and glasses this week because of my hands shaking. If I take a shower it takes me 3 hours to recover.

I'm ridiculously angry about everything and have been hitting my head against the wall. Crying pretty hysterically too.

I had my bag searched at my local shopping centre because they thought I was a terrorist and I feel completely violated. I am upset because it was a really nice new little bag and I'll have to throw it in the bin or burn it because it's tainted now. They said there could be a pistol in it but it is only a tiny bag so I think they miscalculated the size. Stupid thing is I was only using the bag because there are border checks now (I was on my way back from dr in other country. And my passport won't fit in my purse.) I only wanted to pop into chemist but now I won't be able to do any more Christmas shopping or pick up my repeat prescription, because I can't go back there, they are there every day, it will be too painful. I am so fucking stupid,, I should have stuffed my passport in my bra and my money in my knickers, so stupid to use a handbag that I now have to burn. Part of me knows this is OTT but it's of me thinks it is logical. I just can't bear being accused of things I didn't do, it makes me want to die.

My husband is not very sympathetic, He thinks I'm overdramatising. He doesn't really get how bad the shaking is, I guess it is hard to imagine if you haven't had it 24hrs a day.

It's never been this bad before, just don't know what to do.

Saw psychiatrist on Friday, he mentioned hospital if I would feel safer. my DH will be away for 10 days from Monday, he works 1000 miles away, don't know how I will cope without him, but don't know if I could cope with hospital either , I am used to being in control. Not in uk so might be a better experience than NHS.

Don't know what I am looking for, just a hand to hold I think.

Please don't be unkind, I will hate myself even more .

Using a bag seems like a better idea than passport in pocket.
Were they checking others too or just you?
Please try not to take it personally.

You don't need to make a decision now about hospital, you have a while yet. See how you feel nearer the time.

Is the tremor going to wear off?
have a look on the net to see how others cope with that.

Do the things that you enjoy, keep everything in the day, lower your expectations of yourself and others, take a deep conscious breath, and take it very very easy.

Thank you so much for replying.

The tremor should wear off at some point but it should have worn off already, apparently. It's not usual to be affected this much. It's being investigated but It's hard not knowing when/if it might stop. I'm trying a strategy of only standing for 5 minutes at a time which seems to help sometimes. Sometimes it just happens randomly though and I can't do anything about it. I have beta blockers and Xanax which I think help a tiny bit. I'm allowed to take more Xanax but it makes me sleepy which can make doing things harder.

I'm finding it difficult to do nice things for myself because I need to use my arms and/or legs for almost everything. Watching TV is about the only thing I can manage, and iPad for a few minutes.

How are you doing mountain?

Thinking of you

Oh poor you! What an awful day.. Is there anyone you can be with?

Hey, have you tried the relaxation/hypnosis tracks on YouTube? They are brilliant some of them. Thinking of you and hope you feel better today

Read The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. It is so helpful and will help you to realise who you really are. I found it the most inspiring book I ever read particularly when facing meltdown. Hope you feel happier. Best wishes.