So annoyed with it.
I just thought id get my daily worries out there....
It starts early hours when i cant sleep due to my mind being in overdrive, worrying about stupid things from the previous day.
Then i wake up, and feel it over the start of the day. I then feel it over whether im going to get the kids to school on time. Have i been too harsh with my sergent majoring to get them moving and motivated? Have we got everything?
Then there is the outside world. I worry knowing i have to open the door to enter the dreaded outdoors!
I dread seeing people. Do i smile and say hello? Or is that too foreward and people will think im weird? Would i be rude if i didnt?
Then the crowds of teenage kids i have to pass. Then the hordes of parents taking their kids to school. I hate crowds. I feel like im the only one who can be seen in amongst everyone, and i do everything in my power to make myself not be noticed. Then i need to shout of one of the kids and draw attention to myself.
Then i leave, back through the hordes. Then find myself walking past all of the people i didnt know whether i should smile and say hello to or not. Then i think about whether i chose to say it the day before, or not. What must they think?
I get home, breathe a sigh of relief and realise that was only 1 and a half hours into my day.
I still have to walk the dog, and go to work, and go back for the kids again.
At work i second guess myself with everything i do. Is it good enough? Did i do it right? Can i really ask again if this is correct, when i know what was said and have done what was asked?
Thinking that they all think im useless. Simple little things make me worry irrationally to the point i look so stupid to work colleagues, which sends my anxiety further through the roof. I question whether i should quit or not every day. Then i know i have to face the outside world again.
It is so hard trying to pretend you are not anxious. I try so hard to appear normal - inside i am being tortured by my own thoughts, and it feels there is no escape.