Tired of breathing

[Scaredofmyownshadow]

I'm so tired, I hate that I'm still breathing.
Everything is going wrong, I can't sleep, am struggling to eat and not throw it up.
Simple things like leaving the house become a mammoth task.
I want to walk out the door and never come back but I'm so stupid I can't get that right.

Saw psychologist today and all I talked about was the problems I was having with my daughter, something else I've messed up and I came away feeling worse because I didn't talk about me like I'm supposed to.

Everything hurts so much, it won't stop.

It feels like everything is out of control, I'm out of control.
It feels like I'm wasting everyone's time, if I wasn't here then everyone would be OK, probably better if I'm honest.
It's just a mess :(

How are you feeling now Scared? Do you have anyone around you can talk to IRL?

Scared I'm so sorry to hear you are feeling this way and going through such a hard time how are you doing now? Xxxx

I have a cpn and psychologist but sometimes it feels like I'm not heard, or maybe it's that I don't say the right thing.
It's easier to say I'm fine because they are 2 words I know, the rest I don't (if that makes sense)
I just want everything in my head to stop but it won't, I wish I could sleep but I can't.
Everything feels like it's going so fast, so fast I feel sick all the time.
My head hurts from thinking
I guess I feel numb and empty.
Just don't want to be here anymore :(

Scared - how are you doing? Just read your thread and wanted to check on you. I understand your numb empty feeling - its bloody awful

I'm not great.
I don't know how to fix this. It hurts too much to keep breathing, it's too much effort to keep breathing, I just want to stop.
Everything is pointless, my life is worthless and if I wasn't in it every one will be ok.

No they wouldn't be better without you. They really wouldn't.
I know it is impossible to find the words to explain how you feel, but I think you have to tell your psychologist or CPN how bad things are right now. Even if the words don't come, tell them what you have said on here. You need some help, and there will be some-one who can help you.
Can you ring someone IRL right now?

I've messed it all up.
I don't feel like I have any other option
I've got it all so wrong.
I tried to tell cpn but it felt like she just didn't hear me or maybe I didn't say it right.
It's just a mess

Scared, I am worried about you. You do have other options but you need help to see them. I don't know how the system works there, but is there someone you can see again, today, who can talk to you?

I have to phone my cpn back this afternoon but it feels pointless.
I'm scared if I say I want to die and that I know what to do they won't let me. I know that's what they have to do but they don't have to live in my head.
I don't have any energy, am so tired, just had enough