How do I get through counselling?

[Penguinspyjamas]

Just looking for some advice.

Started seeing a counsellor for some eating issues. Emotional eating. The thing is I have talked to her about many other things that are not related to the eating. Told her things that absolutely nobody else knows. I do trust her but I really don't know how to be myself totally with her. I hold back my feelings about the events we are talking about. How do I get to the point where I can be totally open? Do I even need to?

She basically thinks I have low self esteem so wants to possibly work on that. Has anyone had experience of counselling for this? I am not sure how it will work and if it will help or even what to expect

I had counselling after a car accident which left me with a driving phobia. I talked with my counsellor about everything- marriage, children, parents- and often ended up crying.

The bottom line was my low self esteem led me to believe that I was so rubbish that I would be incapable of keeping my children safe while driving. I have over my lifetime been involved in 3 serious car accidents - all of them I was a passenger never the driver.

I loved my counsellor - she told me some really nice things about myself - and I actually believed her. She made me realise that I was important to the people around me, and I brought something to the family that was needed.

In my case as a SAHM , I was the warm, calm welcoming centre and heart of the home. It enabled my husband and children to spend their days out in the big outside - then return home each day to a place of safety, warmth and welcome.

If u have low self esteem it can be at the centre of every action and every thought. Even now u may be unable to be yourself with her because u don't want to burden her with yr troubles, or let her see how insignificant u really think u are.

But don't forget, she is being paid to talk to u and her job satisfaction will depend upon how much she can really help u, also she wouldn't want to be a counsellor unless it was in her nature.

My advice - next time u go - aim to have a really good cry. Talk about whatever makes u most emotional - even if it's nothing to do with eating.

This obviously is just my opinion - but my counsellor was just so lovely I always felt kindness and approval from her.

Hi Sleepy

Thanks for your reply and for your views. Lovely to hear you found your counselling helpful.

The thing is she noticed my self esteem without me really talking about it. And actually I am scared of talking about how insignificant I feel. I really dont think i have the words for it which is making it really hard. I cannot see how she can help me although it is obvious she is kind, and listens to everything I say. Having someone that really listens is a first for me.

She always makes each session free for me to talk about whatever I want but if I dont have the words for this how can I? We have both agreed it is something to have a look at and try and work on but becuase I dont have the words for it I end up talking about other things.

Sorry I am rambling here - its rather difficult to explain even though I am writing it down

Penguin, why don't you write things down whenever they occur to you? It's hard sitting in a counselling session and getting everything out the way you want to, never mind the stuff you just never talk about but just feel.

Maybe focus on what you would like to talk about and tell her you don't have the words to describe it. She may help you finding them.

That was my experience with therapy. If you really have a connection with the therapist, they will be able to help you to put into words what is only a jumbled mess in your brain.

It takes time.

I would say don't worry about finding the right words yet that will come in time.
The most important thing is trust and building the relationship until the time comes when you feel comfortable enough to be yourself, it may take just a few weeks it may take longer.

She should be able to pick up on some of the 'unsaid' and maybe she will bring that in or you could just say what you said in your opening post OP.

Sorry I should have said finding the right words MAY not will come in time, they may never come but you will work in an area of your life that you wouldn't even believe was were you'd go.