cant stop worrying

[divastrop]

i know this is going to sound really silly and unimportant but i have something worrying me and its got to the stage where i finding it hard to think about anything else or enjoy anything atall.
i moved house 3 weeks ago and was told by a friend of mine who is friends with the woman who used to livew in this house,that shed moved out because of problems with next door doing karaoke very loud till the early hours.but she said her friend had never asked them to turn it down so i figured they just didnt realise it was that loud.
the night after we moved in the noise started so i went and asked for it to be turned down and the woman apologised and turned it off.then last week it started again,i asked them to turn it down but i was ignored so dp went round and said he would ring the police if they didnt turn it down.it was the womans teenage daughter who went to the door,but her 6 year old was there as well(it was 10.30pm).i think the woman was at work.the next morning she knocked on the door wanting to have a go at dp for'threatening her kids',and later she started going on at me in the street that her daughter was up all night crying,that the music wasnt loud anyway(i could hear every lyric of every song even upstairs)and that her kids only do the karaoke once a week to'unwind' as its the only chance they get.she also said the previous occupier of here moved out for other reasons and didnt have a problem with the music.
i am worried sick now that its going to start again tonight.i know this may seem like a stupid thing to post in this topic but i am 6 months pregnant and suffering from AND,we had to move house as the last one was overcrowded and a cause of stress in itself.my dd2(12m) has been ill with a chest infection and had to stay in hospital the other night,and i really want to be enjoying her being well again and i want to look forward to xmas,but all i can think about is what if the noise wakes dd and ds2 again,what if i have to go and ask them to turn it down again and the woman is nasty?its doing my head in and i cont feel able to handle it.
sorry this is long,i had to get it off my chest.

Report it to the environmental health. Do you have council wardens/ rangers report to them and they will go round and knock on the door. Are you tenants or private. If tenants let voucil/ housing association know. They are unreasonable and you are in your rights to go around and ask them to turn it down. Sorry to hear you are in this predicament. We had nightmare neighbours and it is not nice at all.

thanks for your reply.our house is housing assc next door isnt but i dont know if its privatly rented or they own it.i rang the environmental health and they said to make an official complaint if it happens again and they will write to them.
i know how to handle it in practical terms im just finding its dominating my thoughts and i dont know how to stop worrying about it.

Oh honey, I've been through something similar to this and it is horrible. You're right, it just dominates every waking thought and then disturbs your sleep too. I'm sorry to say that I can't give you much advice how to get your mind off it, I'm afraid I ran away and moved house. Just wanted to let you know you're not alone and it's not silly.

Hi Divastrop,

Could you go round to theirs and explain to her, in the nicest possible way, the situation? If she refuses to do anything just say "I'm really sorry, but if nothing happens I'll have to call environmental health because it's affecting my health and my dcs' health." Make sure she knows you don't want to start a war, iyswim, but if she still does nothing, follow through on what you've said.

On the side of actually dealing with it emotionally, is there anyone nearby who you and the kids could stay with for a few nights, just to take your mind off it?

Sorry to hear you're having a rough time. I have had nightmare neighbours before, and I know just how much it plays on your mind, even when the music isn't on, even when they're out ffs you're still thinking about it.

Hope you manage to get it sorted out!!!

I've had this experience in the past living next to a 'party' house, it was always after the pubs closed it would start. They used to invite us in to join the party and totally ignore our pleas to be quiet! (Didn't live there long)
The thing is you were hoping to settle in that nice house with more space for the family, and you'll be wanting to nest. I would be stressed out too.
You could continue to appeal to her better nature, if possible. Maybe even write her a really nice letter explaining your side of it.
If sound travels easily they might be disturbed by you when baby comes too!
Anyway I'm not much help but I give you my sympathy.And really hope its fixable soon.

hi diva- keep a record of all the noise and any conversations u have had, otherwise think official comlaintst will be delayed. Could u get in touch with the previous tenant to find out? if no way, then qwrite them a letter,post it to your hosue and hopefuly they have paid for redirection. Can u complain to house authorities asap? do feel for you as I hav noisy neighbours- play crap music like nightclub, flush cistern all night etc. hoover sunday mornings... i moaned to landlord and they are on a warning... know this is exception though and really feel for you. I did invite my neighbours in to listen to their crap, which seemed to do the trick as well

well the neighbour herself called roung this evening to say shed spoken to the police to check the laws on what time music can be played and they told her there was no limit as long as its not too loud,which i already knew!she was very polite etc and said they would be having it on tonight but she would try and keep it to a minimum etc.at first it was just as loud but it seems to have been turned down a bit now.
i also asked dp to let me go round if it gets bad again,as she is on her own with the kids and when i was a single mum i would have felt intimidated by a man knocking at the door etc.i told her that im expecting in march(dont know how she didnt notice??)so at least she knows that now.
she said the previous tennant did tell her it could be heard through the wall.
i know she is being fairly reasonable and i know the best way to deal with it from my point of view is to be assertive and explain that i will contact e.health if it doesnt get better,i just wish i could stop worrying about it cos i know thats not going to help anybody.

thanks for all your replies.

A bit more civilised. My neighbours were awful, not so much loud but, drug ddealing and rowdy. I just used to try and pretend it wasn't hapening. paranoid they would burgle my house when we were out, etc. I know how hard it is but try not to let it consume you...

Diva, glad it's not too bad tonight. It's a stressful situation to be in. I can't stand hearing neighbours' noise, it wouild drive me bonkers. Luckily we don't have any to worry about at the mo.

Poor you!

We used to live in a ground floor maisonette and the couple above us were really lovely.

Everytime she went out, he'd play his music so loud that everyone could here it.

He'd always switch it off before she came home!!!

I asked her one day if he was scared of her?, and explained about the music.

She went mad at him, telling him to keep noise down.

His reason was that he couldn't play music when she was there because she didn't want their kids woken!!!!!

Apparently, he didn't think we could hear it!!!

Never occured to him that he was waking our kids everytime!!!!

They were really good about it and we used to joke about it afterwards.

Must also add that after this couple moved to a new place, another woman and her young daughter moved in.

They were awful.

She was an alcoholic and seemed to be up all through the night and sleep in the day.

Some nights or early hours of the morning we'd hear her scraping tables and chairs across the floor.

Then she'd put music on and you'd hear her stamping her feet and shouting.

I complained to environmental health and was told to keep a log of all the disturbances.

Time it happened, how long it went on for, etc...

I sent it to them and they wrote telling her that a log was going to be kept by me over 2 weeks.

She was like a mouse, until the 2 weeks were up and she started again.

This continued for ages, until we eventually moved.

Do you remember that advert with an apartment block with young guys playing loud music and all the neighbours sleeping peacefully, when the music was turned off a baby woke everyone started banging the walls until they turned it back on again!
I always think of that when neighbours are noisy. Now I am wondering and hoping I don't disturb my neighbours as we are a noisy family. Next door are quiet as mice so I always presume they can't hear us either...?

they finished at about 9pm last night which was good.im not usually bothered about noise-i grew up on a very busy street and there were always cars/drunks etc to be heard.i think its just the fact it echos all through the house that is the problem.

i have had far worse in the past-i lived in a house for nearly 2 yaers and i moved cos of the neighbours in the end.on one side there was a family where the grandad listened to country music at full blast downstairs ,while his daughter listened to dance music upstairs in one bedroom and the son argued very loudly with his gf in the back bedroom.in summer they used to have bbq's till stupid o'clock in the morning and all be outside getting p*d and stoned etc.
on the other side was an alcoholic and his strange wife(she was convinced everyone was watching her and had put cameras up all over her house).they once pulled the air vent off the front of my house and pushed a load of rubbish through the hole,and when i was on holiday they cut down a tree in my back garden

it sounds amusing now but at the time i was a wreck and used to have panic attacks when i had to go home.i used to spend all day walking round town rather than go back there.i think thats why im getting so worried about the problems this time.

That's so crazy Diva! No wonder you are anxious about your neighbours! It does take time to settle in a new place and feel at ease too. The last place I live was mad, I was afraid of most of my neighbours and since moving even when I'm struggling I am so relieved to be living somewhere I like. After a while if you don't like where you are just move away. Where there's a will there's a way!

You saying how you used to use a broom to bash the ceiline, made me laugh at what i used to do.

The drunk who used to live above us would annoy me so much and keep us awake.

When i needed the car during the day, i'd have to take my partner to work.

He used to start at 6am.

When i got back from dropping him off, i used to put the hoover on as loud as it woul go and i'd hoover the upstairs ceilines.

I would bang around so much!!!!

Must've had the cleanest ceilines around!!!!!!

Made me feel better to know i'd annoyed her just a bit!!!!

I did to but seeing as i was up i had to do something usefull before going back to sleep!!!

floating-i remember that hot summer well as that was when i was expecting ds2(he was born in july 2003)and also when i moved to that nightmare house i mentioned earlier.its the last thing you need when pregnant!

i think i was spoilt before i moved here as i spent 21months living next door to a single woman of about 60 ish who i never heard a single sound from.mind you,i saw her in the street when dd2 was 3 months old and she said she hadnt even realised i'd had a baby as shed never heard crying,so the walls must have been pretty thick in that house.