how do you drag yourself up from depression?

[Candlefairy101]

I have bipolar 2, which means I don't suffer with mania, can get hypo mania which I am full of energy but more suffer in a depressive state

I have a 5 year old at school, a 15 month old and I'm currently 6 months pregnant. While pregnant with my 15 month old I ended up on a mother and baby unit due to have a breakdown and I've never fully recovered, I suffer really bad antenatal depression and swore to my self, kids and husband I would never have another baby but here I am, pregnant again because I believe everything happens for a reason and I just couldn't go through with an abortion.

What is like to ask is, how do other when depression drag them selves out of a black hole? I write a list everyday but just can't muster the energy to do anything, I don't leave the house which means I have to wait until a member of my family can take the baby out.

I am under a mental health team but it's a catch 22 because I know I need to ring them when I'm depressed but because of the depression I can't pick up the phone, is this normal and anyone else experienced this? I completely lock myself away and thank god I have a good husband that will take the children in the evening because I can't bring myself to be around anyone.

I used to have so much energy and drive and it's not like I feel tired it's just I have zero motivation if that's makes sense, I'm constantly fighting with myself

What would you do if you were me? What do you tell your brain that makes you get going, I know once I start I'll be alright it's just sooooo hard to make that first step!

I know this is long and here's so much more I could right, I just need some special words of advice that will flip the switch in my brain, urrgh I'm so annoyed and angry with myself!

Depression can be so difficult :( That's without having so much going on. I think you're right, the first step is the hardest esp when you've zero motivation. That's the annoying thing about depression. All the symptoms pull you further away from where you want to be!

Be kind to yourself. As hard as that can be. Just pause and think about what you would tell a friend if she was being so hard on herself. Instead of a list 'to do' maybe first start with working out what small thing you can do to help yourself feel a little bit more comfortable before taking on any big jobs like going out with the kids. Think of things you can do at home that could help take away some of the strain. That might make it a little easier to pick up the phone or go for a walk..

Good luck!

I've just got off the phone to my mental health nurse, I'm supposed to talk to her every week but it's been months so I feel better for answering the phone, anyway I have a dr ringing me tomorrow about uping my tablets, now I'm worried and frustrated because my poor unborn baby has to take more medication because o can't cope

Hopefully I answer the phone tomorrow and at least try, the thing is I'm nearly on thee maximum dose anyway so the negativity of the depression has already told me it's not going to work.

I know what you mean by be kind to yourself but I used to be a perfectionist and absolutely hate that I can't do things that I want to do, it's the most frustrating thing in the world at the moment!

I feel like I literally need someone with me at all times just to tell me what to do next like now go make he bed, or now it's lunch time so prepare baby food, my head is like a whirl wind so I can't really prioritise things

Oh I feel for you candlefairy - I have a recurring depressive disorder and know the torment of depression, how it sucks the life out of us, stops us having any interest or motivation in life and makes us unable to cope with something like answering the phone. I too used to be full of life and had a wide circle of friends and many interests, now it's just me and DH. I'm a grandmother so my kids long flown the nest. I honestly don't know how you cope with young children and being pregnant too - I really don't - I salute you. I am crap most days and stay under the duvet till lunch time, so god knows how you cope.

I hope the increased meds will help - don't worry about the baby - they wouldn't give you anything that would harm an unborn baby.

I feel for you OP as I find it hard to do anything at all - and I'm not pregnant. Have you got anyone you know who has had PND before, who can see things from the other side?

I try to remember that the world shrinks when I'm depressed. Don't compare yourself to yourself when you're well - you're ill, and everything is harder. Can you think of one thing a day that will be an achievement? For me it is sometimes getting washed. Or brushing my teeth. If I manage that then everything else is a bonus. But I also find that being much more realistic with my expectations helps me stay motivated to do other things. It is exhausting with young kids at the best of times. Do you have any help with the younger one?

That's is my biggest problem, I'm OBSESSED with thinking about how I used to be, even down to what was the 1st thing I used to do when I got out of bed in the morning!

In my head I think if I try and act how I was before the depression will go.

When u go to bed at night I have the whole of the next day all planned out, then I get up in the morning do the school run for the eldest and it goes to pot.

I have a consultant ringing me tomorrow from my perinatal team to discuss medication but I honestly feel there's nothing more I can be given to make me better plus I'm pregnant my poor baby.

Just a thought you could try doing something alongside the medication like mindfulness perhaps. The psychologist I saw recommended a book called Mindfulness Finding Peace in a Frantic World which has a cd with short practices. I found it quite helpful x