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Original poster

PND SUCKS!

15 replies

expatinscotland · 08/12/2006 23:27

DD2 is 1 year old on Sunday. She's a lovely, bubbly, contented, chubby baby. A joy to be around, like her elder sister.

And I'm still on ADs, still on the max dose, and slipping further and further down a black hole w/now daily panic attacks. Again.

Have appointment w/psychiatrist in January.

But FUCK.

I'm so fucking tired of this.

I'm so tired of it all I've just given up hope that I'll ever not be this way.

To top it all off, every man I ever did anything with for more than five minutes besides DH has been a depressive.

And who should crawl out of the woodwork but Ex-Lover-from-Torrid-Fling-in-Paris.

'How are you doing?'

'Oh, I live in Scotland now. Forever. And I have two daughters. And my life is right up there w/pissing in the wind and having it blow back in your face. How's you?'

'My life is shit, too, even though I am rich and successful. Welcome to the club. I knew there was a reason I never forgot you after FIVE FUCKING YEARS, b/c you're just as fucked up as I am. But that's okay, cuz I'll be in your area next week. Want to meet up?'

'Yes, yes, I do. In fact, let's just skip the coffee and go back to another hotel and hang our naked, vulnerable, fucked up souls round each other and get even more messed up!'

OP posts:
lulumama · 08/12/2006 23:29

do you want any answers,or just venting?

TBH,,,,i wouldn;t know where to begin

lulumama · 08/12/2006 23:30

except to say i had this for years,,,,venlaflaxine 175mg really really really helped ( amongt other things)

Original poster
expatinscotland · 08/12/2006 23:30

I'm just venting.

Funnily enough, I'll never forget the first line I said to him. 'Don't mind me, I'm just off to continue my downward spiral of self-destruction.'

He said, 'Can I join you?'

OP posts:
lulumama · 08/12/2006 23:32

being a tortured soul is romantic and exciting when you are young and carefree,,,not when you have kids and responsibilities...

hope you find some inner peace expat.....xx

Original poster
expatinscotland · 08/12/2006 23:33

No shit, lulu!

I've got a works do next week, tho .

Heeheehee.

Will try not to go overboard, but they are a rowdy bunch!

OP posts:
lulumama · 08/12/2006 23:34

hope it is a good night, expat......if i may be so bold...you appear very intelligent, eloquent, sensible and a devoted mother....don;t let this shit destroy you....x

Original poster
expatinscotland · 08/12/2006 23:38

Thanks, lulu!

I'm looking forward to it.

DH has his 'do tomorrow night, so he'll be due me one!

OP posts:
Nemoinapeartree · 08/12/2006 23:42

agree about venlaflaxine spent 2 yrs on 250mg a day..had to stop when got pg with DD, started again when she was born then got pg again so now trying ot hold my head up while life shits on us until jan to have my venlaflaxine again in a hope of crawling out of the pit...know how you feel expat 3yrs too long of going through depression and still not a lot better off.

Original poster
expatinscotland · 08/12/2006 23:44

Grrr! Switching meds SUCKS, too, as you know.

But yeah, I think that's how it's going.

Good to know venlaflaxine works for you, though.

Good for anxiety, too?

Damn insomnia is HORRIBLE.

OP posts:
Nemoinapeartree · 08/12/2006 23:45

it is good for anxiety but if I remeber rightly they put me on zispin for insomnia but had to fight for it when ds was 18mths as they said due to having young child they tend not to give sleeping aids..WTF???

Original poster
expatinscotland · 08/12/2006 23:50

I got that, too, when I wanted Ambien b/c it doesn't leave you feeling like a truck hit you the next day.

For now, the diazepam is taking the edge off.

But those panic attacks are LAME!

OP posts:
Nemoinapeartree · 08/12/2006 23:52

hope your psychatrist meet goes well and nothing like mine do where they seem to decide there own agenda..and I still have to see them every 3mths due to being on enhanced care...

Original poster
expatinscotland · 09/12/2006 00:05

It's a new psychiatrist, b/c I switched surgeries in the interim.

I'm not holding my breath, but I'm also used to fighting my corner, thankfully.

OP posts:
Quootiepie · 09/12/2006 00:15

I was just about to type I find diazepam takes the edge off when ADs are being abit pants ~ but you've beat me to it. Not sure what else to say really... wanted to give you some {{hugs}} though ~ I get bad panic attacks and anxiety, and insomnia, so I sort of know how you feel, and I agree, it is complete rubbish. Just be strong (cheesy as that sounds) It's worked for me in the past, and im trusting it'll help me again... just work myself back up, bit by bit

KrissKringleKokeshi · 09/12/2006 00:37

Sorry you're feeling shite expat...hope you get through it. Your posts are always so witty and full of good humour...I guess we all put our 'masks' on to some degree.

Be kind to yourself... kx

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