For a very long time I hid my problems from everyone but a few years ago I finally let it out to my dp. Since then it's been a bumpy ride of ups and downs but as it's become more settled I've slipped into the old guise and have made it sound better than it really is. For the past 6-8 wks I've had lots of suicidal thoughts, a lot of non cutting sh and one occasion which could be seen as a suicide attempt although I see it as more of a dry run than a true attempt.
Something is clearly wrong but I've done such a good job of telling the world that I'm on the mend and put so many loved ones through enough that I'm back where I started except this time I feel like twice as deceitful - I came clean once before,unleashed the bombshell and accepted help - I'm supposed to be being truthful about how I've been feeling but I haven't really.
Where do I go from here?