Just wanna get in my car and drive...

[wannawalkaway]

... drive away from the mess

... the children

... christmas

... just be somewhere quiet where I can sleep for a few months.

DD and DS are both "off" no specific illnesses as of yet, just not right. They are crying and winding each other up. My head is pounding. We have people coming round this evening that I haven't got the heart to cancel, but that I can't face, and right now they will be sitting in amongst the cr*p in the lounge (too bloody short notice for me to organise a babysitter and just go for a drink0.

The children want me to do parent-like things and i just wanna sit and stare at this f*ckin screen and pretend they're not here.

It'll pass, it always does, but right now it needs to be written down.

The computer is your link to the outside world. We never ever service our own needs - us mums - we dont look after ourselves properly, chasing our tails with the house, me me me attitudes from the kids, always wanting you you you.

I was going to suggest that you actually get in your car, and go to a soft play area, where the kids can run around, and you can just watch - but you say they are out of sorts. I guess you have tried videos, books - usual stuff. Do you have a neighbour or someone to pop in? I guess not. Me neither - and even if I did - the apathy kicks in and ruins it. Not sure what to suggest re kids. Mmmm... playdough, puzzles, give them your old makeup and have them make your face up. ??? Hard when you just want to be on your own though

Dont bash yourself about needing the computer. It fulfills your need right now, but when you find a bit of strength, try and find something a little more healthy - like a real person.

Wish I could spend longer and talk, but at work on coffee break - yeah lucky me, I get a break these days.

take care, will be thinking of you.

God work sounds so appealing right now.

Sorry to hear this. What about ringing the Samaritans to talk it through?

How are you feeling now, wannawalkaway?

I'm sorry, I decided that I needed to give myself a bloody good kick, and that I needed help to do that... so I called my mum . She came and had a cuppa, played with children for a bit while I got my brain a bit more sorted, helped me get my head round feeding them etc. By the time she had to go I was feeling much more normal.

I get these blips and it suddenly feels like the whole world is crashing down around me but talking (on here a lot of the time) and trying to distract myself normally works... its just a case of one of you giving me the shove to actually do that that helps!!!

Oh, I am pleased that you called your Mum and that she was able to come to you, talk and help. It's great that you feel able to come on here and post so that people can respond and support you. I guess that you normally have another name so I might know you or perhaps I don't. Either way, give me a shout in future if you feel I can help. I do work part-time so I'm only on in the late afternoon and evenings on Mon, Tues and Weds normally. Thurs, Fri, Sat and Sun I tend to pop on now and again. I find the daily FLYing threads help me with things. They're a good bunch, too.

I know the feeling.

I need to stop drinking so much, but don't know how else to cope.

There used to be a dependant drinkers thread, didn't there? Could that help you expat?

No, Ivor, it's not for me, but thanks, anyhow.

I really need to FLY again - I was sooo much more on top of things then

Ack - I'm clearly crap at this double identity business