is there any point seeing my GP?

[dangermouseisace]

Sorry for the ask. I've changed my sign in. I've had depression for many many years. Husband has left me with the kids so I'm now a single mum, soon after leaving my home town. I've been feeling understandably down. But now I feel that I need to end it all…this weekend when the kids are at their dads. I know that this may not be rational, but I feel that the kids and myself are in everyone's way. I feel that if I am out of the way it would be best for everyone. I know it's not good for children to grow up without a mother, but I am scared if I don't do something this weekend then I might end up being impulsive at another time and the thought of that petrifies me. I really can't cope with people at the moment- I think everyone wants me gone which I 'know' is not rational, but if you're talking to someone and you get that feeling then it's impossible not to believe it. The list of people who want me gone gets longer every day, and I just can't face them…which is difficult if are meant to see these people on a daily basis (e.g. kids school). I cannot see how I can cope with next week- nothing special is happening, I just cannot do it. I called my GP to ask when I could see someone as I think I could be having a crisis…they said that I could call back at 8 for an appointment. But would it just be a waste of time and would my GP be added to the list of people who want me gone? There isn't any help available as far as I understand? Or does anyone have any positive experiences?

I'm so sorry to read of your difficulties. When you are having suicidal thoughts the key thing is to talk to someone - got those thoughts out, especially when your thoughts have formed into a plan of when, where or how. You could call the Samaritans (phone 116 123) now and just talk to someone. If you feel you really cannot keep yourself safe then please please get yourself to A&E where you should be given a mental health assessment and your GP will be informed. if you feel you can keep yourself safe until morning then take yourself to the GP, don't call, walk through the door and tell them what you've said here - your GP WILL want to know. Whatever you believe you are important and you deserve help. Lots of us here are thinking of you. There is help out there and you deserve to have it. Xx

Hi lovely,

I've been where you are, believing my loved ones would be better off without me. Believing that people wanted me gone. I got as far as making plans of how I would do it and when (I won't say more as don't want to trigger you). At the time I was entirely convinced I was thinking rationally and calmly.

But here is the thing ITS THE ILLNESS TALKING. People love you and care for you. They don't want you gone, far from it. You are poorly right now and that's messing with your thought processes.

I am in recovery now (have been for over a year) and my life is better now than it has ever been. You must must must tell someone how you feel. As pp said, Samaritans are an option or, if you feel unsafe right now, A&E. If you feel you can hold on until morning I would take myself down to the GP (I always found phone calls excruciating when ill). It might help to write down as much as you can (when it started, what you think/feel etc) and then even if you don't have the strength to talk you can still communicate your feelings.

You don't say if you've had MH problems before, if you have, do you have an open access number for the local crisis team? I had an open referral to even when they weren't looking after me I could call if I felt things slipping.

Without sounding too "hippy" remember that you deserve better than this. You deserve to be healthy and happy. And you will be healthy and happy one day, you just need some help to get over this bump in the road

Stay safe

Hi thanks for your replies. I can't call the Samaritans as stupidly perhaps i feel they want me dead (I know that's daft but I just can't). I'm ok until the kids are gone to their dads. I'll try the gp..I've moved and I had a good relationship with my old one- known her nearly 20 years so i could trust her. So I'm a bit(!) scared about what my new gp will say.

Your GP has a duty of care and will listen. Please be honest with him/her, especially about the thoughts you've been having and about the plans you have had for when your children are with their dad. Please go straight there tomorrow morning. Try to recognise that your thoughts are thoughts not facts and those things you believe at the moment are in your mind because you are not well at the moment. They can change and there is no shame in feeling the way you do. Remember that the Samaritans offer a space to talk, while they listen with non-judgemental regard. Wishing you well tomorrow. Why don't you check back in here tomorrow evening and let us know how you're getting on? I will think of you tomorrow. Xx

How are you today OP? Have you arranged to see the GP? They will have heard it all before and know how to help.

Thanks Celtictoast. As suggested, I did go to My GP and she was much better than I anticipated. I'm getting some support from the crisis team, which I didn't expect.

Just checking in to see how you are. I'm glad the GP was helpful. Wishing you well this weekend and beyond. Xx