what in God's name do I do?

[SoDiana]

Possibly going to be a long post but want to give the full picture.

I am an alcoholic.

My father called me a smelly cunt today because I asked him to buy alcohol for me as I was stinky.

History

Abusive childhood. By my mother.
Father left my mother for ow 20 yrs ago. Still together.

I became homeless in London in june and spent two months homeless there followed by a month homeless in Ireland following siblings bringing me home.

Eventually I gave in and accepted my father's offer of my late gm house which is now his.

Meanwhile back at the ranch, dp is banned due to several beatings.

Dd lives with my mother.

I can't seem to get off alcohol for more than a few days.

Im basically stuck with the following options

A. Catholic rehab. I dont believe in god.
B. Staying here while my father calls me a horrible bastard or a smelly cunt. Roof over my head and fuel provided
C. Returning to dp in london with risk of further abuse. And potentially homelessness.
D. Leave all and sleep on streets.

I suffer from depression. Alcoholism paralyses me.

What do I do?

SoDiana, I am sorry that you are in this position. Alcoholism is a cruel disease that robs you of everything.

What are your "Catholic" rehab options? I know a couple of Dawkins atheists who have had residential help for alcoholism through John of God and Consillios(sp?). They found them fine

I think "the catholics" have less ability to hurt you than those who purport to love you.

Doesn't AA have roots in religion?

My pov? A higher view or "spirit" does not need to be the G-d whichever denomination are offering you. Every time they say G-d, you can mentally replace this with "my holy handbag" and jesus for "and thy holy nail polish".

Whatever gets you through. x

Oh, honey honey honey.

I'd go with the Catholics personally. As others said, you can say anything you want. The spirit can mean anything you want, whether it's wanting to get your life together for your DD or whatever. It doesn't matter. (And I say this as someone who goes to Mass every Sunday.) Please get help.

Sounds tough OP. Good on you for facing it though.

First thought about the options you listed - why do you need to believe in God to do the catholic rehab? You may be jumping to conclusions about what it will involve. Can you go and see the place?

So I'd definietely avoid C and D as they sound no good for you AT ALL! Either go for A or B as a second choice (but perhaps B only as a temporary option until something else is figured out).

Sr consiglio and her utter intolerance is the only option.
I have been sober attending aa so many times
I fail at the step telling me a higher power is going to restore me to sanity.
Because it hasn't.

Binto. I have been there.

Could you replace higher power with "my will to live the best life I can for myself and my daughter" in your head?

No

I'm not a fucking idiot. Please don't patronise me. I need HELP.

Aa doesn't work for me. Please don't refer me to aa. I have stated that it does not work for me.

Is the Catholic option the only one that you feel offers the hope of getting help with the alcohol use? Is there any other form of help you can think of or find out other than AA or have you tried?

From what you've said I'd go Option A because the others don't sound like offer the possibility of much change or help.

And you are very brave to face this so honestly and I'm sorry as it sounds so hard.

Are you in Ireland still? I did a quick search and just in case helps I found this place which seems residential in Tipperary and the admissions bit says they try to help whatever someone's circumstances:
Aiséirí is a nonprofit organisation established to help those battling with addiction and whatever your circumstances are we will endeavour to accommodate you.

www.aiseiri.ie

I think it's interesting that you say "no higher power will restore me to sanity". Is the drinking symptomatic of your mental health problems or are you "mentally ill" because you drink? Big difference.

I'm borderline, a lot of us drink. Cutting out the drink won't make me sane. I know a borderline women who deals week-in, week-out with people trying to get her off the drink & drugs - she uses to block out the shit in her head.

Do you need to dry out or get help for mental health? Because you said you need help, not to be patronised and that AA didn't work - I personally suspect you drink because you're ill. What do you think?

AFAIK, Sr. Consiglio is still in Newry. Is there a John of God closer to you in Dublin?

Swiss. I genuinely don't know. I have been diagnosed as having recurrent depression an eating disorder and alcohol dependency

Aiseiri is also Catholic

John of God's is private

Is there maybe an emmaus nearby you might be able to get a room at?

You wont be able to drink in the building which is probably a scary thought, but it would be a start and they would give you work and purpose.

There may be alcohol projects that are not catholic? What does catholic rehab entail. Im assuming its not going to be like the laundries

What do you need right now SoDiana? What would help you?