I have some concerns about my mental health.

[Ineedmorepatience]

We have been through a lot over the past 2 yrs including 3 special needs appeal tribunals for Dd3! She has Asd and simply couldnt cope in mainstream secondary school.

She is now home ed and I have left work.

Not struggling to get her to school or fighting with school and the authority has made our lives much better but I feel broken!

I think I probably have aspergers which makes communicating my issues very difficult.

Some days, like today I feel exhausted, suffocated, tearful and a million other things that I cant explain.

I know I should go to my GP but I have a terrible relationship with him and I know I will really sttruggle to explain how I feel.

I think I need some counselling but dont know how to access it!

I was already pretty damaged before our fight to try to get Dd3 some help, I have major trust issues and am NC with my father, I struggle with relationships and am a serial bridge burner!

My partner is fab but we dont talk properly because we are both to damaged at the moment!

Dont know if I am posting in the right place, I dont normally leave the safety of the special needs boards!

Anyway, if you got this far, thanks for reading

Poor you.
You know you don't have to see your usual gp? You can ask to see a different one - you don't have to give a reason.

Yes , there is another GP. I would struggle to get an appointment but I guess waiting a while wouldnt really make any difference!

The important thing is that you do it! It sounds like you have been so busy caring for everyone else's needs you've let yourself slip to the bottom of the pile.

Always countess! I have been a mum, a carer, a partner and a staff member for 27+ yrs, I have not really spent much time thinking about me! I think it is easier to use my energy to keep the family on the straight and narrow than to look to deeply at my own issues!

I left my job in the summer, which is a good thing in many ways but I was good at it and it gave me a focus outside of being a parent/carer to Dd3.

It's a huge change, Ineed. I struggled when I gave up my job after dc3 and I saw a CPN who pointed out that what I was going through was a very natural reaction to it - almost grieving for the lost career.

There is likely to be a wait for counselling, BTW - could you afford to go private? Either way you should make that appointment tomorrow!

I dont know if we could stretch to private counselling, I dont even know how to go about finding someone who might be able to help, other than going through the GP but as you say that could take a while.

At the time when I walked away from my job I think I was close to a breakdown, Dd3 hadnt attended school for weeks but we couldnt officially remove her from the role at school because the tribunal had ordered the authority to write a statement for her but it wasnt done and we were scared we would put all our hard work at risk if they knew we werent sending her back!

It was incredibly stressful and leaving work was easy at the time but now there is noting that is just for me!

you can usually self refer (no need to discuss with your GP) for psychological help through the NHS (counselling or CBT) after which you'll be given a telephone assessment and placed on the wait list for help. Google IAPT in your area. Lists can be long so if you can manage private therapy have a look BACP for accredited counsellors and the cbtregisteruk.com which has properly accredited cognitive therapists accredited by the BABCP or AREBT.