Compared to other people's problems very trivial and me, me, me but need to rant and get off my chest.
Have changed my name for this, as usually try and be very upbeat. Basically, single mum of 4 for nearly a year, being left forced major character change and now (most of the time) I appear confident and outgoing. But not always. I was traded in for someone much larger and much older and more wrinkled (v shallow I know but it has to be said). I lost alot of weight on the "divorce diet" and now always make an effort with my appearance - have received alot of positive(female friend) comments on how much better I look and how much more bubbly and outgoing I am. But, have a couple of major hang-ups.
I keep trying to get part-time job to fit in with kids. Know they are like gold dust, but, I keep getting down to the final two and failing, allegedly because, when I ask for feedback as to why I've been unsuccessful, the other candidate has "more experience". This after having been told at interview on several occasions that I produce "outstanding application forms, head and shoulders above the other candidates" (their words, not mine). So, I'm obviously doing something wrong at interview and the "more experience" line is wearing a bit as I suspect there is something else that people won't tell me.
Secondly, my confidence with men is pretty non-existent. On the rare occasions I do go out with friends (and make an effort) I may just as well be invisible. So, thought I would give internet dating a go out of curiosity, not really expecting anything to happen. However, a few people got in touch, one seemed very promising and very keen (and genuine), we got to the exchanging photos stage (imo he was pretty gorgeous), minute I sent a photo it was thanks but no thanks.
Told you it really was pretty trivial and shallow but I am despairing of finding either a job or a man. Ex-DH was first and only boy I ever went out with so I've hardly had any experience. He did my confidence a world of good during the break-up by telling me that not once in 19 years had sex been anything special. When I replied that he didn't seem to have complained at the time, he said he was a man and men are grateful for anything.(Charming) Have talked to very honest friends (who really would tell me if there was a problem with my appearance/bad traits of personality) but they are at a loss too. Ex-DH told his mother the main reason he left me was that he couldn't risk me ending up like my mother (she can be a bit of a handful but I still personally think it was a lame excuse).
Thanks for taking the time to read this far. Sorry to rant on so much and I know it's selfish when people have really awful health and financial problems etc. but I'm just feeling really down and needed to get it off my chest before I go and purchase a paper bag in the morning to put on my head.