Feel like i cant cope much longer (long post)

[Charleesawmummykissingsanta]

Where do i start? I feel selfish saying it and feeling it as i know there are so many people in alot worse situation than me but i feel like i have the weight of the world on my shoulders and i don't think i can hold it up much longer. I have so many things to worry over Im constantly crying every little thing sets me off. I hate the kids seeing it poor DS1 is only 2 and all he sees is him mum in tears. DS2 is 3 weeks old and im already feeling completley hopless and out of my depth.
Im trying to sort my worries into individual boxes so i can tackle one at a time but i don't think any of them are solvable.

1. My main worry is my mum she is due her 3rd heart operation shortly after xmas. I know she isnt going to make it, this sounds so dramatic i know but she went into the 1st one reasonably healthy and barley pulled through, the 2nd one was an emergency one last xmas day to save her life and she barley pulled through again, this time she is under a mountain of stress, shes smoking and is quite unfit, there is no way she's going to make it, thinking of life withou her is unbarable. Not that it is a fraction as important but she is my only form of daytime transport and even if she survives she won't be well enough to drive for at least 6 weeks so it looks like i am going to have to pull DS1 out of playschool because i wont be able to get him there which is a pian as he loves it and it gives me 2 mornings of much needed rest.

1. My DS1 is also quite ill and is undergoing tests at the hospital to see what is wrong with him, i am going out my mind worrying about what his final diagnosis will be incase it's something serious. Also ditto about transport to his 2-3 hospital appointments he has a week. He spends all day vomiting and needs his nappy changed at least 8 times a day.

1. My DS2 wont stop screaming full stop, i have tried everything and he just wont stop. I can't take it.

1. I have my mum to look after, DS1 and 2 to look after, a house to keep clean and a family to feed and look after.

I feel like im sinking into a life of worry and i can't see a way out, im not depressed as such just cant seem to make haedway with everything.
Its obviously effecting DP he doesnt know how to deal with everything especailly me constantly crying he just avoids me and doesn't speak alot.

Im not sure what else to say i just keep going over everything which makes me cry more.

Message withdrawn

Can you ask any of the other mums at the playgroup for a lift?

Charlee...well done! You have taken the very difficult first step to get help. Am so proud of you! It took me far too long to admit I had PND and I really regret it now. I did not have a car for the first 5 months of my sons life and it was horribly limiting (I too live in a samll village). Things REALLY improved when I got my car....could get out and about and to playgroups and to see family etc. I really hope your ds2 starts to pick up soon...my son was very poorly and in and out of hospital for the first 6 months and it is horrific. On the plus side, in time his feeding problems resolved and he went from being a very sickly, underweight floppy baby to a big bouncing bruiser by the time he was 10 months. Some babies just seem to need longer to adjust to life "outside". Have you thought about cranial osteopathy? I have heard it can work wonders for some babies - the hospital could advise on that. Wishing you all the best - you and your mum are in my thoughts x

Thanks for everyone's post, i'm not having to bad a day today i seem to have up and down days i look forward to the up's and dread the downs!!!

DS2 seems a little better this last day or 2 (touch wood!) we have been giving him Infacol and DP get's him to bring up a big loud burp which makes him feel a little better, anyway we found out i have a very overactive let down reflex which is forcing the milk down his throat causing his to have excess wind. poor bugger!

So anyway thats one thing that is off my plate. things are getting better slowley but surley.