I've had it since childhood but didn't realize it was a 'thing' until I was screened for PND. I scored low for depression but very high for anxiety. Had it for as far back as I can remember. Tried CBT a few times through work (I'm in the NHS) and once referred by GP. Tried medication a couple of times but it made me so tired and ill I couldn't cope, like early pregnancy x 10. I could have been signed off work a few times but too anxious about what my colleagues would think. I have felt on the brink of a break down a couple of times but have some how pulled myself together.
Now my DD aged 8 has started on the ASD pathway due to high anxiety and total meltdowns at school. I feel to blame as is my nature. Maybe she got in the womb, from the untreated jaundice and reflux ( I still feel let down about her early weeks and months), learnt from me although I try to hide it.
I am utterly exhausted and wrung out but need to find the strength to manage the behaviour and support my daughter. I know how she is feeling and it is scary. I learnt to keep a lid on my feelings at a young age. My poor DD just explodes.
Just venting really. I don't think there is an answer to this.