It's not often I come to here, so apologies for lack of understanding of basic conventions, or if this is in the wrong place. Also sorry this is so long - please read - I need help.
Hopefully someone who has been there before on either end of the equation can help me sort this one out.
I feel I am in a difficult position since this person works for me, but is also a good friend. He is a contractor not a perm, but has been with the team for some time and is very much a part of that team. However in the last few weeks I have become very worried about him as he has become angry and irrational and extremely emotionally unstable. Some of this may be drink related - it's certainly exacerbated by alcohol - but is not limited to him being drunk. I get the feeling he may have been here before in his life but hasn't disclosed that (which to me indicates it did not go well last time!)
The issues relate to him becoming extremely frustrated by anything which is a problem, big or small and becoming absolutely fixated on people/behaviors which become the source of his anger. It feels like he is making a mountain out of a molehill but results in long periods (hours) of anger (shouting/ranting) about those people or how frustrated they are by things punctuated by 'breaking down' to crying, weeping and self pity. I imagine I only see so much of this so don't know if I am seeing the whole picture or the tip of the iceberg, but it seems to come in waves or in cyclical arguments repeatedly returning to the same point, getting angry, then breaking down about the same point over and over. He has stated he is depressed and is finding it difficult to cope and is close to leaving on a number of occasions but can't bring himself to leave.
The reason he won't leave is because he wants to carry on working with me. We have worked very effectively in the past, I lead the team with him as a 'right hand man'. However this feels more like they no longer have the confidence to work independently and it's recently turned into what I would call an emotional dependency. I feel that somehow I am fueling the situation just by being there.
Am now at the point where I feel very much they need to go and take a break, (for my sake nearly as much as theirs) and I have made this suggestion, but this seems to make matters worse as he sees that as an indirect accusation that he is shit at his job or has failed, which I fear will strip away the last bit of self-esteem he has - I am not sure what will happen if that is taken away from him.
Currently he is only thinking rationally 50% of the time (when he is very good at his job) but that quickly unravels when the next minor bump becomes a major problem and we are back to ranting, crying and emotional dependence.
We are based away from his home, so he is in hotels most of the week so doesn't have his wife at hand for emotional support while at work. I have suggested working at home more, but that results in the 'you think I am the problem' or 'I have failed' path. I have a large team to manage and a lot of work on and this is now taking my time, keeping me awake at night. I just don't know what to do, or whether I can be the agent for change. Most other people are unaware as he (understandably) hides the worst from them (though they are aware he is getting increasingly irritable in the office - and becoming counterproductive).
Ideally I want to take this head on and say "you have a mental health issue" but somehow I feel that outing it directly will result in him falling off the precipice and it will go very bad. I also feel like because he has an emotional dependence he will take it very, very badly. Because his wife is not local and I don't have her phone number I don't know who will be there to pick up the pieces.
Anyone got any suggestions how to deal with this problem?