My MIL has a long history of mental illness, and has been diagnosed with bipolar for at least 30 years (she is 67 now.) As a family, we are finding it incredibly difficult to provide support and cope with her health in the last 5-6 months, and I was hoping that perhaps someone could offer some advice on where we can go from here.
MIL was widowed some 5 years ago. FIL kept her diagnosis and health concerns completely separate from DH and his siblings, they knew very little of the extent of their mothers mental illness which, unfortunately, has left them quite poorly prepared for her needs when FIL passed away. In the years since FIL has passed there has been a flurry of activity. She attempted suicide with medication, but was luckily found by DH who immediately took her to hospital. She stayed in a psych ward for some months before returning home and eventually was placed in a sheltered accommodation. It took some time for her to settle, and we did have another potential suicide scare when I found a note explaining ‘she would miss us all and needs to go, doesn’t belong here…’ The last 2 years (up until around March this year) have been a merry go round of good times and bad times. For example, on a good run she seems a loveable doddery 67 year old, and bad times include hearing voices, becoming paranoid, seeing things others can’t, people around her and on TV talking about her - and has also developed quite obsessive tendencies like washing her clothes every day at a specific time. We have learnt to cope with these occurrences with very little help or support from her mental health team, and found them to be quite difficult to speak to.
Fast forward to more recent events. In early 2015, she had a mini stroke and her physical health took a downward turn, which has a knock on effect to her mental health/wellness. There have been issues with diabetes control and water infections as she does not eat well (no water - only full fat coke and coffee – typical breakfast is possibly toast, lunch is crisps/snacks and very little for tea, perhaps fish and chips if the residents are all together socialising.) The warden had noticed an increase in her paranoia and she has had quite a few complaints against MIL from other tenants ranging from aggressive outbursts, to blaming neighbours for breaking into her flat and tampering with things/breaking things/stealing from her. We had also noticed that her medication was not necessarily being taken – missed meds in medipack. DH, warden, CPN and I got together to discuss what we could do to help MIL and, no thanks to her mental health team (MHT), we enlisted the help of carers to ensure she was taking her medication correctly and prompt her to eat breakfast/dinner. Home meals were attempted – this was a waste of time as she threw them all in the bin.
We have limped on since March/April with no real improvement, if anything her paranoia and aggression is worse. Approximately 6 weeks ago, she had a verbal altercation with a gentleman in the laundry room (who removed her clean washing as it had finished in the cycle, and he needed to use the facilities) – called him a range of horrific names, accused him of breaking into her flat etc etc. She then called my DH and said she knew he had hired someone in a van to watch her and called him every name under the sun/wanted to die, so I drove around to check on her and managed to calm her down. Her MHT put this down to a water infection, and basically refused to take any further action other than refer her to her GP for antibiotics. The crisis team were involved through my persistence, but apparently they are mostly there for people who do not have family support/MHT support.
Since then there have been further complaints/comments from tenants to the warden, with one lady putting in a request to move citing MIL as the reason. Last week MIL initiated a very nasty verbal attack on the warden, who has known MIL for decades and normally copes fantastically with her less volatile outbursts. I saw the CCT from this and fully support the warden filing some sort of procedure with her manager with regards to MIL’s suitability for the accommodation. I ended up hand delivering the email correspondence between myself and warden over the last few months as well as her request for a behavioural assessment to the Dr’s secretary that same day. I feel like I am hitting my head off a brick wall though, as we are still no further forward in putting together some sort of action. Her anti psychotics have been increased, and she has been referred to the memory clinic. That is apparently all that the MHT will do.
Am I expecting too much from them? Am I missing something? She cannot cope, and doesn’t seem to be in the right place for her care. She doesn’t manage her finances/diet/medication and cannot seem to control her aggression – I personally feel there is a serious breach in safeguarding, not only MIL, but the other tenants. Does anyone have any similar experiences or advice? I just feel like I am treading water right now, and something is going to happen where her residency is revoked (this is already being threatened) or police involvement – and her MHT seem happy to let it get to this stage!
I am so sorry that this is so long and garbled, I am just at my wits end here. I need to take my son to a activity, so will be on later to catch up (not a post and run!)