Does my new guy have serious MH Problems?

[JALG]

Hi, just some advice needed if anyone has any experience that may help. I have met a guy recently we are both divorced and have been single for 3 years. I have had an 18month relationship after my separation but then a gap of 18mths so I could sort myself out. I am somewhere in the middle of menopause (I am 51) so suffer low moods and sleep issues. I have strived to become more independent and and have a good job as well as being mum to two young girls. I have met a guy who is also dad to a young girl. He makes me feel very weird when he describes his relationship with his daughter (she is 8). He dotes on her, strokes her to sleep and says he loves it when she comes in and peels her pjs off and lies next to him for a cuddle. I have tried to suggest this is not wholly appropriate but he gets very defensive and says he is a good dad and all the time she wants this he will do it. He is very lonely and is constantly seeking attention from anyone that will give it. He is nervous and laughs after most conversations or when there is a gap in conversation. He obsesses about exercise although eats a very lazy unhealthy diet. Lastly and most importantly he had a major breakdown after his marriage ended and has been on and off citalopram. He has a cupboard full of it but claims he is not needing it anymore. He admitted to me at the weekend that his mother had been institutionalised for mental health issues and has since died. He sleeps really badly and infact snores so badly I cannot bear to sleep next to him. He enjoys an active sex life but does lots without really getting anywhere if you know what I mean. We have just spent the weekend together and I am questioning wether this guy is the sort of person I want to be around. His weird habits annoy me already and I an very concerned about the state of his mental health. I have tried telling him this weekend that I do not feel ready for a serious relationship but am happy to go out with him. I don't feel this is right now I have thought about it. I am worried he will become obsessive about me and then I will feel guilty at leaving him … any thoughts?

I'd definitely dump.
Just say you're not falling in love, so better leave, or something.

And do raise your concerns with the mother. I wonder if she's prepared to do anything, though. If not, I might ring a child protection line for advice.

I would hope most of us have a sense of what's 'appropriate' and cuddling a naked 8 year old in bed whilst naked would make most if us get up and put a few clothes on and then get back into bed. I think it's fucking weird what you have described and in pretty laid back with nudity.

christinarossetti bit of reading comprehension. My "a bit paedoy" comment wasn't aimed at the OP, and it was an attempt at showing how pathetic posts which skirt around the issue of sexual abuse without the moral fortitude to come out and actually say it.

It's a horrible accusation, and people are drawing horrible conclusions based on a one sided account they've read on the internet. This is a real person that you're talking about, and hideous idle speculation helps nobody.

I was sexually abused when I was younger I would rather accuse 100 innocent men/women than let 1 child go threw what I did.
Op if you think he is abusing his daughter report him to ss/police and the child's mother.

I wasn't, but I agree with you.

beefthief, but muddle didn't skirt around the issue of sexual abuse - she described the child's behaviour as 'sexualised'.

It is indeed a real child that people are concerned about and actually all an abuser asks from others is that they keep quiet. The OP describes sexualised behaviour exhibited by an 8 year old and others, including those with personal and professional experience, have confirmed that it does sound concerning. Brushing off these legitimate concerns by calling them 'speculation' certainly helps nobody.

Thank all of you for your input. I have now indeed said goodbye to my relationship without hesitation and with some relief. As pointed out, I made no accusations, but was stating my concerns to try to decide what was within the bounds or 'normal behaviour'. My concerns have now been passed on to family members who are dealing with it appropriately.