Anxiety pre TTC after severe AND and anxiety

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I'm fortunate that after a horrific bout of anxiety and depression during my last pregnancy my DS was absolutely fine

But now I really want another child, and am getting really down about him being an only child and really anxious about my age that I might be too old soon and the risks increase with age

My anxiety now is totally focusing on CMV knowing I'm not immune to it and I have a pre-schooler. I'm trying to control the risk by telling myself I can catch it now before TTC and build up immunity but though it would be great to reduce that risk by that happening I do realise my anxiety will find a hook somewhere else (it's always health related)

Yesterday I dropped DS off to nursery and came home and cried with jealousy that every other mum has more than one child

Tbh meds don't help, I know this is a psychological thing but I can't find the support anywhere on the nhs (or afford it privately) to work through things

Just looking for someone to talk to really... Who has patience (I've exhausted DH)

Hi there,
Im a therapist - I don't have kids yet so Im writing with my work head on!

I think that feeling jealous and angry that other people have lots of children is normal, I often feel it towards other mums when Im struggling TTC, I really think its ok to just be really sad about it - its out of your control and its a really frustrating time.

The health anxiety is a real nightmare to have - Ive had it previously, the trick is to not focus on the anxiety or the thought loop but to try and stick with what's really wrong. That might be the TTC and a good way to tackle it is to spend lovely gentle times looking after your body, trying to not be stressed, eating well and getting enough rest. Im 35 with no children and I would really feel the clock ticking, Im off doing yoga and trying to be calm and healthy to see if I can let my body have the best chance.
You are way more experienced than me in the art of baby making - that said I do work with lots of women who are feeling the pressure of TTC - not so great that Im now joining them x

Thanks for your reply! It's comforting in an odd way to know it's not just me who goes through this

I feel like there should be a name for it, it doesn't fit neatly into antenatal or postnatal depression yet is similar in a way

I went to the dr today for something unrelated and ended up spilling a bit about my anxiety so going to go back and discuss some more another day

I did try yoga for a bit, maybe I should go back...

Im forcing myself to keep at it ! Im also trying to follow health diet things - its something I can control - in a world of blocked tubes etc that I cant. Anxiety is crap- and health anxiety really does suck.
I honestly feel jealous all the time - its normal - Its just the way it is right now xx

Really struggling tonight

Think I may try hypnosis for the anxiety

I'm taking time to lose weight and get healthy but had this idea I could contract CMV just by finding someone who knew they had an active infection and build up immunity in the meantime whilst doing this

I have achey fatigue and a sore throat illness and keep trying to kid myself I must have caught CMV while knowing that's unlikely

I wish I could just be like everyone else and accept that risks exist and live with it without battling them