Depressed after breast surgery?

[CarolynW1980]

Due to a family history of breast cancer I had genetic testing and am a BRCA1 carrier. Knowing that I was very high risk, I had a preventative double mastectomy a year ago. I chose to stay flat, no reconstruction, which I'm happy with and I've got used to wearing the prosthetic breasts now.

In the last year I've found my self esteem and confidence, particularly related to my appearance, has just plummeted. I feel anxious a lot, feel very low and with a very diminished sense of self worth.

Frankly I'm disappointed in myself, I wanted the surgery, I know its the safest option for my family and myself. I know that my self worth as a mother, wife and woman has nothing to do with whether I happen to have breasts or not. I feel like I have no right to feel down because I am so lucky. I was able to take action before getting ill, an opportunity the other women in my family weren't lucky enough to have. So why the hell do I feel like this???

After struggling with it for about 8 months I have given in and made an appointment to see a GP. I'm assuming they'll say I'm depressed and throw a bottle of Prozac at me. Has anyone been in a similar position? I'm not sure what to expect and what the GP will say.

I'm worried about going and saying I need help, irrationally I'm worried that they'll decide I'm an unfit mother.

Any advice greatly appreciated. x

You are allowed to change your mind and consider a reconstruction. Plastic surgery has a reputation as being frivolous. It isn't in these circumstances. My very good friend had a very good reconstruction after a double mastectomy. She is a down to earth, outdoorsy type but felt this was important for her self worth, I also know other women who didn't go down this route. Talk to your GP about your feelings, someone who looks,after their mental health is very far from an unfit mother.

were you offered any counselling at all?

to be frank, i would be stunned if anyone in your position would not feel depressed about it.

yes it absolutely was a positive step but did you really have a choice? of course you didn't. sorry if that sounds blunt.

Can you have reconstruction surgery still?

my friend had a unilateral mastectomy and may be having reconstruction done next year if she can face it. She is in her 50s and was adamant she wouldn't do it but has changed her mind.

You don't have to be brave you know. It's ok to acknowledge that it was a traumatic thing to happen to you.

I think you need counselling more than medication and that should surely be available to you. I know my friend had it although that may have been more to do with the cancer. She is clear now. thankfully.

Your dr absolutely will not think you are a bad mother.

if medication is offered ,consider it, it will give you a much needed boost.

be kind to yourself. You have been through an awful lot.

Thanks for the replies, I was hoping to get a reply before I head to bed because I'm nervous about the appointment later this week.

To be honest, even with how I feel I still don't want a reconstruction. It isn't for me, dislike the idea of implants and I'm also not willing to put the family through more surgery stress and more recovery periods. My children are only 5 and 6 and one of them is quite and anxious child and found my surgery very stressful.

I wasn't offered any counselling after the op, there were support groups for cancer patients but it wasn't appropriate for me to be referred to them.

Mud "Talk to your GP about your feelings, someone who looks,after their mental health is very far from an unfit mother" Thank you, that was exactly what I needed to hear.

LEM You're totally correct, I had no choice at all. The last 3 generations of women in my family have all died of BC, I'm the only one left. To be honest this made it easier to have it done, there was no point discussing the pros/cons of the procedure, it just had to be done.

FWIW my DH has been amazing and has supported me in every way possible all the way through so he'll continue to support me through this too. i just want to be back to my normal self for my family, they don't care that I don't have boobs!!

Thanks Vocational, I do feel disfigured, that's exactly the right word. I went out with some school mums not so long ago and a guy was hitting on me in a bar. I pointed out that I was married and sent him on his way, but my first thoughts were 'you wouldn't be talking to me if you saw what I looked like under this dress'.

My DH has been great, we still have a good sex life and I still feel that he wants me but I find it hard to feel attractive or sexy which is wears me down. Then I feel so vain, I should just be bloody glad that I was lucky enough to have this life saving surgery, allowing my kids to grow up with their mum, a luxury I didn't have.

I had a single mastectomy over 10 years ago because of breast cancer. It was a success and I'm still here healthy and getting on with life. I have not had a reconstruction (yet) .And I recognise your feelings of low self esteem and confidence.

We are women and we need to look like women. To be flat chested is not the norm for a grown woman and it takes a hell of a lot of chutzpah to get out there every day having first put your fake breasts into your bra. It decides what clothes you wear and how you sit. No-one who hasn't had the surgery really understands what it means on a daily basis as they will all look at the bigger picture -as you outlined in your OP.

But I am currently looking into a reconstruction now. Yes even after all of this time .
Im sick of not being able to wear low cut dresses and having an uneven bust line. I dont want to have my breast literally fall out of my bra when I take it off at night -it hits the floor with a nasty thud. I dont want to have to constantly rearrange my breast during the day as it creeps up toward my neckline to be visible to others.

So in a nutshell . If you feel it -it is real. If you want a reconstruction for any reason whatsoever go and see your consultant and start the process .

Thanks for that Amazon, I hope reconstruction works out if you go down that route and I'm glad to hear that you're cancer free after so many years.

I do go out flat, people are used to seeing me flat one day and a B-cup the next day. I can see that some are a little confused by this because not everyone at the school gates know what I've had done, I get some very funny double takes.

It does take balls to go out completely flat. I'm not even flat actually, I'm concave, its not a great look. I promised myself that I would only wear the prosthetic boobs as and when I wanted to. So if I'm swimming or exercising I go flat.

I also want to demonstrate to my DD that there should be no shame in being flat because she is likely a BRCA carrier too and will have to face this herself when she is older. How I walk this path will colour how she is able to deal with it when her turn comes and I take that responsibility seriously.

Just thought I'd come back to ask if anyone knows of any online support groups that might be appropriate? Thanks

Hi Carolyn, I had a mastectomy with LD flap reconstruction 3 years ago today!
The euphoria of surviving cancer was replaced by depression about the new me. (I had a permanent mobility disability too.)
Breast cancer care uk are a fantastic charity that run an online forum. They also have a helpline that you can call.
Apparently, depression after cancer is really common. You do start to come out of it though