Pnd diagnosis now scared

[WhosFred]

Have suffered since very 1st night following birth nearly 19 months ago and finally sought help and admitted everything to my doctor this morning who was very kind and listened to my rambling and diagnosed pnd and prescribed 20mg citalopram.
I know today has really thrown me as warring with myself as ashamed for admitting I cannot cope and also realising that I cannot carry on as getting worse so had to do something but now feel terrified to start down this road.
I thought I might feel some sort of relief but just feel embarrassed and anxious that I have been labeled and really scared to start tablets tomorrow morning as if there is no turning back now and I'm scared how they will affect me and I'll be on them forever and won't be ME anymore, hate myself anyway but feel scared I won't be 'in control' of my feelings anymore.
Have no idea what I want from this post but has anyone else felt like this? Or can reassure me that it might be normal under circumstances, anxiety possibly is making me feel that medication is not the route I want to take but didn't know what to say once doctor started.
Worried that a series of events last year has made it worse and don't know if I just can't get over them and if it's just that rather than Pnd, sorry for ramble all over shop at the moment

Sorry just realised that the first one posted when I thought it hadn't

Sending you an unmumsnetty hug. I felt exactly the same when I first started taking meds for my PND with DS1. Now my GP wants to change my meds to a different type when I stop breastfeeding and I'm scared of that too, it's the fear of the unknown and it's very common.

I'm on sertraline so not the same meds as you but for me it feels like a bit of encouragement and hope. It supresses the desperate and hopeless feelings. You will still feel like you, but a more positive version.

Thank you Elliejj for replying, you're right. Fear of unknown, I just want to be normal and not fighting myself all the time.
I'm at a point where I don't trust myself with understanding which feelings are real and which I keep building/stewing over thus making a normal setback worse than it is.

I understand why you might be worried about meds, but I like to look at it that you'd presumably be happy to take Ventolin etc for asthma or have a plaster cast for a broken bone etc. There should be no less fear, stigma etc attached to ADs than any other form of medical intervention. I hope you're soon feeling a positive effect.

Yes, I need to get some perspective, just been lacking in the damn stuff for a long while. My judgement on everything feels so clouded lately that I know I need to do something now.