Borderline and struggling

[50feetandfalling]

I thought I was doing OK. For 8 years I was doing OK. Off meds and out of therapy. I was diagnosed outside the UK and all my treatment took place abroad. As a small aside, one of the receptionists at my UK docs speaks the language of the country I was born in which I suppose will smooth the handover over obtaining notes.

Had a breakdown of sorts earlier in the year and impulse took over and I walked out on DH taking the children.

I've fallen apart. I've tried to kill myself once since then and felt suicidal approx. once a fortnight. I tried to talk to my doc and she wouldn't discuss it (said "they'd" take my kids away).

My ex and I have been fighting terribly (I want him back). I phoned the doc today because I'm not getting any better, awful one is leaving so I've booked in with the replacement but that's not until Monday week.

After 8 years I don't think I'm going to make it. It's dawned on me today that I'm never going to be OK and I've also got in touch with citizens advice about help doing PIP because I can't cope with every day life - me and a job just aren't going to happen.

I'm scared I've passed on this stupid illness to DC1.

Any advice on what might happen? I have no idea how mental health services work in the UK.

Hi

I'm borderline as well and I receive PIP so ask away if you have questions about that. I recently completed the STEPPS therapy, which is a 20 week group course specifically designed for BPD and teaches you skills and strategies to manage the disorder. I found it really helpful and recommend it but it's a work in progress, it takes practice. Many days are still hard and I don't think I'll ever really be 'normal' but I do understand the way my brain works better now and so I understand more why I feel the way I feel and react the way I do.

I accessed the course through my community mental health team.

I really recommend dialectical behavioural therapy it's literally saved my life.