Is there anywhere for families of those with mental health problems?

[Greebosmum]

I hope this is the right place to ask this. My beautiful daughter was diagnosed with bi-polar a couple of years ago. I foolishly believed that this was good and she would get the right medication and get on with her life.

How silly am I? Obviously she doesn't take her medication regularly and it is all very difficult. She was so ill on Monday I really didn't know what to do with her. Luckily her doctor is fantastic and prescribed some sedatives that worked really quickly and we were able to have a sensible conversation and upped her drugs, but she probably won't take them.

The thing is, I just realised today that this is never going to get better. I am going to spend the rest of my life dealing with her crisies. I don't want to do it. I will do it because she is my girl and I love her with all my heart, but I don't want to. Why I have only just realised this I don't know but it has broken my heart. I have spent all afternoon crying in the bath.

Are there any online forums does anyone know, where I can talk about how I feel about all this without sounding like a heartless b*h.

I truly love my girl and want what's best for her, but she is an adult now in her mid twenties and is able to get herself into all sorts of trouble that I have to help her sort out.

I just want to talk to someone who understands.

You can talk on here or you can get some personal therapy for yourself but I think you would have to pay. Does your DD live with you? Whether or not you could get a carer's assessment and if DD sees someone from the Community Mental Health Team they would know how to go about this. I honestly don't know what help you could get but nothing ventured, nothing gained.

I have a close friend whose son is bi-polar and if he takes his meds he is ok but of course he stops taking them and then she is called upon to sort things out and pay for things he has bought! The problem is with psychosis is that people don't realise they are ill and so it seems illogical to be taking medication and so they stop.........and then get ill again. My friend keeps herself on an even keel mainly because of her yoga - and she does Tai Chi as well.

To be honest I don't think it's going to help you to look at this as "for ever" because it's too big a problem. I suffer from depression which can be severe at times and I can sometimes only look at the day in terms of minutes, not even hours. I am a mother too and can imagine the heart ache that you feel - dreadful as my mental illness is, I would far rather I had it than one of my adult "children" - but you will cope. Don't be too hard on yourself. Can you maybe talk with DD and her doctor or CPN about a plan to ensure she takes the meds.

Hi OP. Depending on where you are in the county there are carers forums and support groups that you could get support from. If your DD is under mental health services, you can ask for a carers assessment and they'll look into ways that they can support you.

Can I give you a glimmer of hope though? I have bipolar. I struggled throughout my 20s and made some stupid decisions with medication and the rest. I really resented having to take a load of meds that stole my personality, made me fat and lethargic. Who wants to live like that?

Well, the years taught me that stability was way better than the massive highs and lows and now I'm in my 40s, I take the pills, I'm married, have children and have held down responsible jobs. This is the probable outcome for your DD as well. It is manageable and hopefully she'll learn with time, like so many people I know with bipolar, that stability is the key.

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply.

I feel a bit better this evening.

My DH is marvelous (he is not DDs biological father but he considers she is his and she loves him too).

It was just this morning that I realised she isn't actually going to recover and that I have to find a way to deal with it and her.

She doesn't live with me, she has her own place and a baby. She has a partner but he is as much use as a chocolate teapot in my opinion. He has problems of his own and really doesn't understand how poorly she is. Every few weeks they have a big row and he starts packing to leave, which doesn't help her anxiety levels.

I just need somewhere to let off steam without people knowing who I am and making judgements about the fact that sometimes I don't like her and wish I didn't have to cope with her.

I don't know all the ins and outs with the doctors and what they are doing for her. She has moved a lot in the last couple of years and every time she moves we have to start again.

She had a major crisis earlier this week and had to be sedated before we could do anything with her at all. It was about the most frightening thing I have ever dealt with, I had no idea what to do, if she needed an ambulance or what, I am not getting any younger and I am just exhausted by it all. Unbelievably the last surgery she was at suggested cutting her meds completely because she hadn't had a crisis for a long time.

Incidentally, she is a fantastic Mother to my little grandson, a much more natural mother than I was. Whatever her state of mind she gives him huge amounts of love and affection and it seems her love for him touches her somewhere just enough that she can always care for him.

Thank you CloakAndJagger for giving me a bit of hope. If she would just take her medication and keep a regular routine I know she would be better, I have no idea why she can't get her head round that idea. All part of the illness presumably.

She says she wants a quiet peaceful life, but is incapable of doing the necessary things.