Please help me not have a nervous breakdown

[laundrybinlid]

Please help me with any advice. My marriage unexpectedly fell apart three months ago and I have since moved house with DH (long story). I am planning on moving out in the next few months. Work is horrendous. We are so short staffed and the pressure is incredible. My team are under pressure too and I can do little to help them. Since my boss and team members left I have felt unable to take any time off - well I've had a long weekend over the summer but I ended up cancelling the week I had planned for June and the week for September. It will be months until there is cover to enable me to take the two or three weeks I feel I need. I've been working late at night and have been working weekends too. There is just too much to deal with at work. I think the pressure is even worse because I feel I need to impress at the moment. Also I'm unlucky enough to have narcissists for parents who when I turned to them after DH announced he wanted divorce have both basically abandoned me, for want of better word. I've not spoken to my father in months and my mother is horrendous.

I started crying last night and have barely stopped since. I woke up crying and couldn't make it into the office. I instead sat in a local coffee shop all day just answering the barrage of emails I get, shaking and crying.

I feel like I can't cope. I'm usually so resilient. The thought of work makes me feel sick. DH is being supportive despite our relationship status. I can't take time off work. They'll think I'm incompetent.

Any tips please.

Of course the stress hasn't just been here for one day. But it feels at boiling point.

I sat up until 3am last night because I just can't face another day and going to bed means morning is coming. Of course I'm exhausted and can't wake up in the morning.

I've never felt like this before.

You're exhausted, physically and emotionally. Your body and mind can only take so much before it starts to give up and I think you're reaching that point. Marriage breakdown and moving house are recognised as some of the most stressful life events. Coupled with work and it's hardly surprising you're at breakpoint.

You need a break. I understand that you're in a bind work wise, but you're getting ill and if you can take a week off now, it may save you taking much longer off with stress induced illness. Is there no way at all you could take a day and spend it curled up in bed?

It sounds like things have been very stressful for a long time. It does sound like your body and mind are saying you need to take the time off, sorry.

See the doctor asap. It sounds like severe stress. You need a break. Just hope you can get one

You need a break
I know it may not be enough but how about booking relaxing 90 min massage tomorrow or Saturday?
Indian head massage, reflexology or the whole body?

Thank you all. I just don't know how I can get a break. It just doesn't seem possible right now. I've squeezed in a few massages on my lunch break over the last six months or so. I get bad TMJ and scrunch up my whole body when stressed. They seem to be helping for shorter and shorter periods. I thought I was good at dealing with pressure and stress but seems like I'm wrong

Have you tried just Indian head massage or reflexology?

Could you call in sick tomorrow and take the weekend to try and get some rest? There's a sickness bug going round and there's no reason they'd have to doubt you. Maybe turn your phone off and curl up with a box set?

I had some time off with stress a few years ago and it was absolutely horrible. It came came completely out of the blue because work was horrendous and I didn't have any of the added difficulties outside work that you've got going on. I felt like a complete failure but looking back it was a strong thing to do to admit I wasn't really coping and get done help. I was really surprised to find a few friends told me they'd had time off with similar things but no one really talks about it-you are most certainly not alone.

It sounds like it might be worth having a chat with your GP to see if there's any way they can help support you.

You are good at dealing with pressure and stress. If you weren't, you'd probably have started to break a lot earlier.

You're human though, and no one can deal with the high levels of pressure and stress that you're under for long.

Is there an end date when the work will definitely improve? If not, take that break now.

I thought the end date for work improving would be about now. But it isn't. I think that's why this week has been so horrendous, because it was my light at the end of the tunnel and that light has gone out.

I've been googling stress and how to deal with it and symptoms are ringing true. I've been losing more hair than usual in the shower and I can't concentrate. I read the first line of an email and just zone out. I don't feel like I'm doing a good job.

I'm going to talk to someone at work about it.

Thank you for the advise

Look laundry I hope this doesn't sound harsh but Indian head massages etc are not going to help you. I think you are heading for a depressive illness. You ask "help me not to have a nervous breakdown" but that's not possible. Loss (not necessarily a bereavement) is almost always at the root of depression, and you have suffered the loss of your marriage and it sounds like it came as a shock as you say "it unexpectedly fell apart" and that in itself is enough to knock you for six, but on top of that there is the house move and yet another move for you (moving house is very high up in the list of life crises) And there's work.

As others have said your mind and body are telling you they can no longer cope - anxiety and depression usually go hand in hand and often anxiety is the first symptom to show, but you are talking of long crying bouts which are a symptom of depression. Anxiety is fear, fear of the present and fear of the future and that's what you are experiencing.

You need to see a GP sooner rather than later, and be honest. Most of them have a short questionnaire to ask about your symptoms, but you need to tell him/her what is happening - make a list of your symptoms and use it to remind yourself. Most of us burst into tears in the GP's surgery but that's ok - they've seen/heard it all before, dozens if not hundreds of times before - 1 in 4 people will suffer from a mental illness at some point in the lives and approx. one third of all GP consultations are mental health related. And most importantly you need to be signed off work - never mind about the workload and how you need to impress and "can't" take time off, you are not fit to work and it's not fair on you or your colleagues. I don't know the nature of your work of course, but it doesn't really matter because you're not fit to work. You say they will think you're incompetent. People who think that about people who have mental health problems are simply not worth bothering about.

Look I know it's tough but I'm afraid depression and anxiety are no respecter of who we are - yes it attacks competent, resilient people just as much as other types. I was a competent professional holding down a very responsible job, confident, outgoing, had a wide circle of friends and a stable marriage and successful adult kids but my best friend died very suddenly at the age of 46 (we had been friends since aged 5) and I became very ill with depression and anxiety. I was so bad that I ended up in hospital but I was put on medication and made a complete recovery. You can't stop it happening. It's no good googling stress - if you must google have a look on the MIND website at depression and anxiety.

As I said I know this is very direct and I hope you accept it in the spirit in which it is written.

I know you're right Nina. I would say the same to someone else. But I feel trapped by work.

Sorry posted too soon.

I'm very sorry to hear about your friend dying. That must have been awful for you.

Thank you for the advice. I spoke to my boss yesterday over lunch and he was sympathetic to my workload but basically said 'you can do it!' It feels very hard.

But your boss doesn't know how bad you are feeling.......does he? I you were run over by a bus who would do the work then. No-one is indispensable!

You need to put your mental health first. You will regret it if you don't.