I'm losing my mind.

[wishesandkisses]

In my teenage years, I fell in love with a guy and he basically broke my heart. He used me for sex, loved my best friend and I really suffered. I was briefly sectioned because of it. After this I turned to drugs and alcohol to numb the pain of being without him. I was obsessed.

Fast forward a few years. I've met a lovely guy. A guy who everyone wish their boyfriend could be like. We have a mortgage, cars, a little boy. The lot. I have an amazing job that I love. 2 weeks ago life couldn't have been better.

Then I went on a night out with my friends and I got drunk. I met my first love for the first time in years and we spoke normally for the first time in years. He said he couldn't believe how well I was doing and that he was so proud of me and that his life had gone to shit. He slept around, got into trouble with their boyfriends, family member just recently died. Basically the opposite of mine. Then he told me how sorry he was for letting me believe he loved me and that somewhere he did but just not like I wanted him to and that he hates himself for what he did. I said we were young and stupid and I didn't blame him. Then he cried and so did I and we hugged for ages. Then I went home and haven't been the same since.

It's triggered my head again. I feel depressed and don't want to speak to anybody. I'm pushing myself to go out and speak to people but when I do I'm just miserable. My relationship and son are suffering because I can't muster the energy to get up. My partner knows I saw him but not what it meant that he apologised and cried. I want to move on and get over this but I don't know how to do it. I don't love this first guy anymore I don't think, but can't get him out of my head and everything reminds me of him. My boyfriends talking about proposing but right now I can't even bare him to touch me. I've ruined everything, how do I set my head back to how it was.

Would you consider counselling? You'd be able to talk everything through in confidence with someone who wouldn't judge.

You need to breathe. You need to tell yourself its ok. I just replied to your other post. And I was saying how you probably needed to work through something. This period of your life, this man, this relationship, had such a huge impact on you at such a young age. You have serious scars and wounds from this. Giving your heart to someone who treats it recklessly is so very damaging. Bumping into him has just brought everything to the surface that was probably shoved deep into your subconscious where it was safe. But that kind of pain, if not dealt with, is toxic, it will always surface somewhere in your life. So you are going to have to deal with it now. I'm sorry, there is no easy way through it. You have to feel all thats going on in your head & body, you have to acknowledge it, honor it, don't try & push is down. And hopefully through doing that, some kind of answer or understanding will come to you.

Its a process & its hell. but important you go through it. Do you have anyone you can talk to? Would you consider talking to your other half, just be completely honest with him. He might be more supportive or understanding than you think. Or if not, a councellor?

If you are feeling like you really can't cope, go straight to your gp. Are there mum & baby groups where you can get support?

Let us know how you are doing?