Hello, first time poster here so please be gentle.
Both DP and I have struggled with depression and anxiety in various forms at various points in our lives. Our life is very hectic, 4 DCs from 6 months to 16 years and a house to renovate. I work full time and DP stays at home with the Pre schoolers full time.
Over the last year or so I've been receiving treatment for depression, tried citalopram early on and now on duloxotine, as well as receiving various forms of counselling. This has put some considerable strain on our relationship, so much so that we are currently at breaking point. DP made a comment the other day that living with a depressive means you get all the symptoms without the disease.
Now, we have both tried supporting each other but it hasn't worked. DP feels like I couldn't due to my illness and I couldn't offload onto DP without there being a noticeable change in their mood. I've tried getting DP to go to the GP or take up counselling too. We've been to one couples counselling session together and despite my chasing, DP does not seem to want to go to any more.
The distance between us was caused by a series of occasions where I acted selfishly and ended up hurting DP (nothing physical) by my actions or inactions. We've talked through these things at length but it's broken the trust DP had in me. All the intimacy has gone out of relationship, communication is limited to day to day topics or DP ranting or lamenting about how I let them down or how negative I am to about my treatment, my weight etc.
The thing is , for the past 6 months at least, I've been really making an effort with my treatment, and consequently not giving in to the negative thoughts and ruminations. In fact, it's made me realise just how negative DP is about everything and how I'm the one trying to make it better. Everything is an effort for DP, social interactions, dealing with the DCs, even hygiene to a certain extent.
My routine will go something like...
Up at 5, out for a run, get things ready for little ones, at work for 7, work til 3 ( if not doing grocery shopping and running errands on my lunch break), pick the DC's up from school, back home, take over childcare of all DC's, cook evening meal for everyone, put all the kids to bed, then collapse into bed myself. Meanwhile DP does the morning school run, most of the house work, childcare of two preschoolers all including breakfast, lunch and nap routines before collapsing when I get home.
I have recently started making sure that DP has alone time of an evening, I've encouraged them to go out to classes or for walks, anything just to have a break. It's only been used to have a long soak in the bath so far but I'm just glad it's being used.
Sorry for the long ramble, didn't want to drip feed. But getting back to my original point, is DP getting my symptoms? Am I just getting theirs? Or are we both depressed and in need of help? I just feel like I've done everything I can and I still can't make it work for us. I just want our happy life back so we can start enjoying it together again.