I was doing so well with my anxiety .....

[Henners1]

I had my first panic attack when my son was about 15mths, it took a good year of hell before I managed to control them in a way that I could get my life back. That was 3 years ago. I was on medication to control this and my anxiety but when I found out I was pregnant I decided to come off it. I've been saying the same thing since, 'I'm no worse now I'm not on the tablets', I've generally been absolutely fine. Last week I was doing the school run and had my first panic attack in a long, long time. I literally live a 2 minute walk from the school. Luckily my husband was at home and I had to call him to come and rescue me as I couldn't move. Since then I've been petrified of doing the school run, I've tried to force myself to do it but it's like there's a wall in front of me stopping me from putting one foot in front of the other. Even when I'm at home I can't relax. I feel like I'm going to keel over at any minute and I can't think straight and can't get the anxious thoughts out of my head. Im terrified of going back to how I was 3 years ago, i couldn't even leave the house for 4mths then. I'm only a week off my due date and people keep saying 'once you've had the baby you can go back on the tablets'. It took them months to sort out my medication first time around though and it made me feel terrible, I'm not sure I can go through all of that again with a newborn baby. I also feel really guilty, I Should be really enjoying taking my son to school and the least he deserves is that his mom can do this for him. He's going to have to make enough sacrifices when the new baby is here and this is ruining the last couple of weeks we have left together where it's just us. I'm just so frustrated with it all, I just want to be a normal mum and do normal things. I know I won't sleep tonight as will be worrying about the school run tomorrow. Sorry to go on, can anyone offer any advice about how to get through this x

Hi. I've suffered panic attacks but not used meds to sort them out. It was a long process though. I'm sure you know about cbt and I also bought a stack of books about anxiety which I still go back to from time to time.

Anyway, what strikes me about your post is three things and all I can offer is that you aren't not alone with these three things. 1) worry about the school run. Mine was particularly bad with going to the supermarket as I had one there. 2) frustration and feeling you don't want to be like this 3) ruining time with your kids.

Anxiety (as has been said often) is a massive bully. It pushes you around and causes you to not think straight. The only way you can really get over it is to face up yo it (ie do the school run) but that's easier said than done when you just want to run and hide. Please try not to be hard on yourself and berate yourself. Loads of people suffer from anxiety, usually quite secretly because we feel angry and ashamed. Don't push yourself to hard at the moment. I think one of the first things to do is accept you have this difficulty. Try to get the balance between facing it but not fighting against it, at least until you've had your baby.

Hope this makes sense.

I wish you well and good luck and best wishes for you and your changing family.