Help! Am I stressed, depresed, or just overworked!!

[juelgaz]

I don't really know where to start, I am a 40 year old mum of 5, 4 children of my own, 2 from previous marriage, 2 from this marriage and 1 stepson.
I have my own business where staff are currently running my shop for me, as my youngest children are 8 months and 2years, so I suppose I am on maternity leave.
My 2 eldest children are 10 and 12, and my stepson who lives with us is 9 with a few problems which he is starting counselling for next week. He had a bad start in life with his maternal mum and is sadly paying the price now mentally.
I have just lost my nanna who was more like a mum to me, she was 92, and for the past 5 years I have helped care for her at home.
My husband is fairly supportive but has a very quick temper and of late there are lots of raised voices in our house and arguments.
I have reached a point now where I feel as if I just cant cope. Babies, Kids, Husband, Housework, Business all seem to be getting on top of me. Everyday is such hard work, I know that some of that is self inflicted as I like my house clean and tidy and am forever ironing and cleaning. I feel like I have lost me! I feel exausted, and I know that I am snapping and shouting alot and sending out bad negative vibes to my children. I have spoken to my gp who says that she feels I am suffering from mild to moderate depression but will not give me anti depressants as I am still breast feeding, I dont know if they are the answer, I just dont know what to do. Sorry long and drawn out but getting desperate now! Any ideas what I can do.

you don't say what your money situation is like could you get yourself some extra help - a cleaner an au pair/ childminder/ mothers help? to give yourself a break? is there anyone who could have the children for the weekend and the two of you get away for a break together?

sometimes i feel like i need a break so i've got a night out with dp and friends planned for fri night and a day in a spa booked mid december and i only have 2 children of my own and run my own business childminding.

i think with everything you have going on you have every right to feel stressed out, i would sort it out before it becomes too much to handle.

give yourself a break and a cut off point everyday, if its not done by 8/9pm then it waits til the next day.

Oh Juel, you poor love (((big hug)))

Im sure Ive heard (on MN) of women who breast feed that are on AD's, Im sure there are certain ones you can have.

Id say you have the lot (of your title)
Its very hard to get out of the situation when it gets to snapping & shouting alot, I have been there often. Then the feeling of guilt afterwards makes you worse, but you cant help it. I sympathise with you greatly-its awful to feel how you do.
Does you DH help out with the DC's?
Could you get some me time, maybe round a friends for a girly night in!

Not sure as Im much help really as feeling rather low myself, but Im sure there will be someone to give you some sound advise on here, or even just listen (read) while you off load.

The thing to remember is 'us women' have so much to cope with & think about its a wonder any of us are sane!
My DH looked when I explained that we have far more to think about than they do, he had no idea what I was talking about. But as usual my brain went dead & I couldnt begin to tell him what 'more' I have to think about than him Having kids def wrecks your brain!

juel, hats off to you for coping with what you do. Have you spoken to anyone about your loss of your nan? so sorry to hear this. You have had a significant bereavement and it doesn't seem as if you have had the time and space to grieve properly....your GP may well have a 'linked' counsellor that he or she could refer you to for some initial sessions......

If your GP says you have mild to moderate depression then I think you must take this seriously. Don't just soldier on and expect things to get better. You may need help with this. I have heard on here of people who have got AD's and are breastfeeding. Definitely re-approach your GP to discuss this. I also feel I have to say that you have given your child a flying start in life; if you HAVE to stop bfing in order to deal with your mental health then please don't agonise about it. It is far healthier for your 8 month old to have a mum in good mental health than it is to extend the breastfeeding if it stops you getting help.

I just want to say more power to your elbow really - be kind to yourself; see the GP and get some help, and really see if you can build some time in each week for YOU away from the family....

best wishes x

Just wanted to support Sunnysideup's suggestion that it would be ok to stop bfeeding in order to be able to take any medication you may need. My GP actually advised me to stop feeding my DD so she could prescribe temazepam for me (she was about 9 months then, as I recall). Glad I did.

You are definitely over-worked so its really not surprising you are stressed - and your GP has diagnosed depression.

Poor you.

sorry you feel so bad, i certainly have days when it all feels verymuch like too much, i have looked in the "drug book" 2 anti-depressnets are listed as ok with bf , one is seroxat ( which i know has had bad press) but is the worlds most commonly prescribed anti-depress apparently, and the other is sertraline. your gp should be doing something moderate depression is not something to leave untreated, the other options might be some councelling or st johns wort which is a well regognised homeopathic treatment for depression - i am not sure if this is ok with bf - as it is not prescrabable on nhs it isn't covered by my book. agree paying for some help might be good - but please go back to oyu gp or see a different one and talk about your options again, they shouldn't have left it !

Thankyou all so very much for your support, kind words and advice. When I feel like this i tend to put a wall up and find it difficult to talk to anyone. Thats why mumsnet is so very helpful. I will make an appointment with my GP today. I feel like a rotten mum at the moment and the guilt that goes with that is horrible. I also feel like a terrible wife. Ah what a mess! Time to get sorted I think. Thanks again I really appreciate it so much!! XX hugs hugs