Feeling Really Down

[Quootiepie]

I didnt know whether to post - ive posted alot and got alot of help, I feel sort of bad taking and taking from everyone if you get what I mean?

Well..err.. title really sums it up. I cant stop crying, just feel so so so so low. Its been getting worse at worse. DH and I barely talk to eachother, and I dont know whether its him becoming more annoying, or me snapping alot - I never used to be like that. We were supposed to go and get chrsitmas decorations today, I just dont want to. I rally cant be bothered with anything. I was posting the other night to someone how far id come, how I couldnt believe how depressed I was once, and I feel like ive been lifted up and planted back here.

I wanted to change my name, but ive posted so much without name changing, I hardly see the point in retaining any dignity.

sorry about spelling mistakes, I cant seem to type very well

Theres loads more, but it all comes into my head so fast, its all garbled, and I cant remember it to type

Oh dear Q-pie! Have only just seen your post but must go to bed. will write to you tomorrow & commiserate.

thank you x

Oh no!!! You were sounding so positive on Saturday

I missed the outcome of the thread with your DH, are you still together??

Depression sneaks up on you and chucks you in the hole sooo suddenly (at depression, not you). I mgith sound nuts, but I looked up biorhythms the other day, and when mine drop really low, my emotions are all over the place too - I can't stop it, but I can see it coming iyswim, so its not such a shock.

We are still together, but I can help reassesing my whole life. This isnt what I imagined at my age. I dont think I can cope with 50 60 years of this. I cant really cope another day or so. I want to do the right thing, and forgive & forget (past aswell) but I would love to be bitter and angry and leave aswell. By forgiving everyone, I get taken for a mug. I lok back on the last 5 years now, they have been awful. I dont know how im here. I dont want to sound all attenion seeking and all that, but im not sure I want to be.

Erm, sweetheart, some things shouldn't be forgiven and forgotten. Admittedly I don't know your history, just your recent strangling incident - that is NOT something that I feel should been swept aside.

You deserve a life of love and peace, not worried that it will all fall apart again.

Yes, I know that it would be making a HUGE change, and that it would be f*ckin scary, but think - big fear now, and a happy life later, or poddle along as you are and never be happy?

Sorry - that came out a bit blunt

We havent even been married long enough to divorce... well, in 3 days we have.

I really havent got the energy to split. When we talk about it, he seems like when we first met, and I fall in love all over again... but then we start to just drift again. I dont really know what I want.

But you know he doesn't stay like that I hate the idea of you being in an unhappy marriage for ever more

Are you on the ADs now or did you come off becuase things got so much better?

I'm really sorry - I have a baby hollering for food. I will be on tomorrow...

Thinking of you

not on ADs because of pregnancy/breastfeeding combined with I thought I was better.

Thing is we would have a happy marriage if it wasnt for the past, but its always there - no amount of councilling etc. is going to make it go away.

Thanks for listening xxx