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Bereavement or depression? and is there any help available?

3 replies

SaveMeTheWaltz · 04/09/2015 15:07

We lost our second child at birth almost sixteen months ago; fell pregnant again six months later, but miscarried at 10 weeks in January of this year. No success conceiving since.

I feel as if I am falling apart. Crying all the time, constantly exhausted, if I had the choice I would spend all day curled up on the sofa. Relationship is suffering as I have no sex drive, and can't bear to be touched. Work is suffering too - am supposed to be establishing an academic career, but have no drive or concentration. I have to start teaching again in October, and am not sure if I will be able to handle it. Can't really talk to my employer, as I am on a succession of short term contracts - if I fail to deliver on one of them, I simply won't be offered another one. So no protected way of being able to take time out from working without potentially saying goodbye to my career.

I am feeling so guilty for feeling like this as DP's father is currently being treated for advanced cancer and I would like to be strong for DP (who is having to be the strong one for his entire family), but I am just crumbling.

Have previously tried to get counselling, but it has been hard. The hospital-based bereavement counsellor told us that we were fine after a few sessions. GP gave me a referral, but the assessors decided that I was insufficiently depressed. Tried paying for psychoanalytic psychotherapy, but it was obviously the wrong kind of counselling for this particular moment in my life (as well as being very expensive). I have gone to Sands meetings, but most of the people who lost babies at the same time as me are pregnant again, so that is hard too. Honestly don't know where to turn next.

OP posts:
Peanutty35 · 04/09/2015 15:18

Hi Save me the Waltz,
Im in a weird position of being a counsellor that cant get pregnant and is drowning in pregnant friends- Ive also been bereaved of a child.
I think how you feel is totally normal and allowed, maybe you do need time curled up on the sofa after such a loss?
I reckon you could use some lovely nurturing things being built in for yourself. The therapy side is really expensive- and it sounds like you need a client centred approach not an analytical one. I can really appreciate how awful it is when you have lost something and everyone else is pregnant again.

xx

stripytees · 07/09/2015 13:55

Is there a branch of Cruse in your area? They are a specific bereavement support charity and usually offer free sessions.

ephemeralfairy · 14/09/2015 17:19

I am sorry for your loss OP. I second the suggestion of Cruse, I know my mum found them very helpful when my dad died.
Grief is a funny thing. It comes in waves, and feels different at different times. I remember my therapist saying to me once, 'don't confuse being depressed with being sad and grieving'. It took me a while to assimilate that, but I have found it helped.

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