My mental illness is not going to get better until my kids grow up

[Smartleatherbag]

I've just realised this after 18 mths severe depression.
My family life is not awful but it's hard. The kids are bloody hard work, one has as, the other is just highly strung . Five years old and nine years. I am not going to enjoy anything in life until I get through the next five years or so at least. I don't know how to do it. I'm utterly worn out.
I shouldn't have had them. I adore them, but it was stupid decision. I will do all I can for them but nothing left now.

Hi, what's is it what your struggling with the most?

I also have a 5 year old, and even tho he's back to school now, over the holidays I found him more draining than my 12 month old daughter, probably doesn't help that I'm also 4 months pregnant so over the holidays I had no energy.

Is t the morning before school and the afternoon witching hours your struggling with? There are loads of helpful mummas on here that can give you great advice for certain situations, just give a little bit more info? X

Thanks for the reply Candle. I find functioning hard at all. I work and it uses up what energy I have, there's nothing left for family let alone nwme
I'm worn out .

Do you have a DP? or are you bearing the load alone?

Hi, yes dh is great, he handles 50% plus of the childcare and house work. I still don't feel able to cope.
Went a long walk today, ended up sobbing at roadside like a completely insane woman.

I just wanted to send a hug and I understand, and frequently feel very similar. No Magic solutions I'm afraid, apart from possibly looking to cut down your working hours?

Hugs for you Smart has your GP done bloods recently to rule out anything that could be making you feel more tired?

Hugs to you Smart it is tough.
Any chance of hiring in help? Do you have a therapist or someone to talk to?

Thanks all. I'm physically in good shape, iron, thyroid etc all good, no sign of perimenopause. I've just taken on more work, now 21 hrs a week. If I go off sick then I'll not have my contract renewed. Work is actually very supportive, and I don't want to let them down anyway.
Seeing psychiatrist on thursThursdawant him to admit me, but I'm not ill enough. I wish I could hurt myself badly enough to get some help. Or starve myself. Or anything. I feel awful.

Hope it went well with psych? Please be honest with him about your thoughts above