Can't take much more!

[Peaceloveandjammydodgers]

I'm extremely sleep deprived, anaemic and have a clutch of MH issues (pre-existing PTSD and PDs exacerbated by birth of baby, so kind of PND, kind of not). DS is 8mo and has always been a crap sleeper.
Anyway, I'm so fucking tired that I don't feel that I can cope anymore. I deeply regret having him, even though I love him very much. I would never ever hurt him or let him cry, but I do want to give him away so that I can sleep and he can be looked after properly by a non-zombie. DH is on his knees as well because he's picking up the slack as well as working a FT stressful job. I fear he will lose his job because he goes in late and can't give 100% to his work through exhaustion.
We don't have any nearby family and can't afford childcare, bar the odd morning with a childminder here and there (he's booked in for a couple of weeks time and I can't wait).
I have a CPN (who is utterly useless), a FSW, a HV and a Homestart volunteer, and I still can't cope. What other help even is there? I'm afraid I'm going to crack. I'm afraid to tell DH because he will just take on more responsibility and go under himself.
I'm so sad and just bloody tired.

I can't even be bothered to feed him.

That sounds worse than I meant it to, actually. I have just breastfed him to try and get him to sleep. The thought of preparing and feeding him lunch is dreadful.

You sound like you are severely depressed Peace exacerbated of course by the extreme exhaustion you are suffering. Have you seen a psychiatrist for diagnosis and treatment? Maybe the meds need changing or dose increased. Can you grab some sleep when the FSW or HM volunteer is at yours, or isn't that possible. So sorry I can't think of anything helpful to say, other than, your little boy will grow up and sleep better and you will be less exhausted. Can you sleep when the baby is sleeping, regardless of time of day/night?

Could you and baby go to stay with your family so they could help out or is that no possible. My niece had a baby who rarely slept and she told me recently that there were times she just had to leave him to cry and put ear phones in so she couldn't hear him - he's 2 now and she's a very caring mother so was a bit surprised when she told me this, but she said she was desperate for sleep and she had no MH problems to contend with.

So sorry things are so tough for you and DH but you will come through it.

Nana, thank you for your kindness. I'm a bit embarrassed now I've had some coffee and an hour's sleep that I was desperate enough to post this.
I was under a psychiatrist for around fifteen years before being discharged a couple of years ago, and am now back under one. My meds have been increased since DS was born.
I love him so so much and he was so very wanted, but I just need some respite, you know?
Staying with family is more stressful sometimes because he has to share a room with us, which means we all get even less sleep.
It's just a miserable situation which I don't expect anyone to solve, just need to moan about. Blah.
I can't afford to go back to work so don't even have that to look forward to!